Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.
Enjoy. I certainly do.
I know it’s Monday, but I forgot about these on Friday, okay? Then to post them on Saturday would have been ridiculous because I knew I had a post coming out on Sunday (which was entirely an April Fools joke. Knox McCoy is much too rich and busy to guest post for me. I wrote that nonsense. Actually a bunch of us wrote some nonsense and claimed it was Knox nonsense. But that’s besides the point) so I didn’t bother. Instead, you get Monday Friday Field Notes! Huzzah!
Kids are doing art.
Me: Oh! Nice work, B! You’re almost done!
B: I KNOW, so why do you have to tell me?
(Y has quickly become a favourite. He’s like a real-life anime character.)
Me: Boys, shhh, let’s be quiet while we listen to the announcements.
Me: Boys! Stop talking!
Y: We can’t talk to each other during announcements?
Y: (wide eyes) But can we talk in our heads?
Y: Oh. Good.
Kids are working on an assignment. Class is totally silent.
Y: DREIDEL DREDEL DREIDEL! I MADE IT OUT OF CLAY!
Me: Have a look at the picture. Do you see any energy saving things happening?
Y: I have A BAD NEWS.
Me: Oh? What’s that?
Y: YOU CAN SEE HER BUM.
G to Mrs. Short Natalie: How come you’re out here? Where is Mrs. M?
Natalie: Mrs. M and I switched spots. I come outside with you now.
G: I really miss Mrs. M.
Natalie: Well that’s nice, I’ll tell her you said that.
G: Do you think I’ll ever get over it?
E: HOLY MOOOOOLEY, you’re SHORT!
Me: Good morning?
Playing Around the World. “A” got a question right. He dances to celebrate. Next girl in line is ready to play. She’s staring at me, waiting for the question. A is still dancing.
Me: Seven times eight!
(Look of panic on girl’s face as she starts skip counting)
(A is still dancing)
Me: Don’t worry, you’ve got plenty of time. A didn’t even hear the question.
(Still dancing, completely oblivious)
(Whole class is giggling. Still oblivious.)
(She answers the question.)
(He is really confused when I tell him to sit down)
Grade 2 (one of my favourite classes. Remember the Obama worksheet? That class)
E fell at recess and has sore fingers. We check them for swelling.
S: Because sometimes when you hit your fingers, they get bubbly.
Writing “colour poems”
T: Yellow is bumble bee, looking as robotic as always!
C: You are my favourite teacher because you are GORGEOUS!
Me: Thank you, but you still have to do your work, Miss C.
S: Operation tooth get out is a failure!
Writing letters about reducing air and water pollution/waste. These were some of their ideas:
– Give the garbage back to whoever littered it.
– If you leave your car running, you should ride a bike.
– Instead of leaving the tap running while you brush your teeth, use mouthwash.
Me: Well leaving a car running isn’t good for the earth. The smoke that comes out of the back of the car isn’t good for the air. That’s pollution.
E: Pollution smells GOOD.
At the end of the day.
Me: Your ticket out the door today is to tell me your favourite word!
E: King Nebuchadnezzar!
S: When I asked to get a drink….uh…earlier, did I ask to get a drink or go to the washroom?
Me: You asked to get a drink.
S: (Face falls) Oh.
Me: Do you have to go to the washroom?
Me: Then go!
I recognize a kid from a web series that two of my improv friends named Tom made. I ask him if he knows my friends.
K: Yes. I am also in another show on TV.
K: Yeah. I’m kind of like Billy Crystal.
Educational Assistant: Well C, you can still be happy when you’re a dwarf.
C: No. There is no way. Dwarfism is AWFUL. Can you imagine just being a little kid all your life.
EA: Well no, that’s not how it works. You grow up, you are just tiny.
C: My life would be over if I had Dwarfism.
Have a good week even though it’s only Monday and not Friday.