Friday Field Notes: Hand Me Downs

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

Kindergarten

Me: How do you behave when you’re outside at recess? How are some ways we can be kind and safe on the playground?”
J: YOU BE GOOD.

(singing the Aiken Drum song)
N: Hey! My Aiken Drum looks the same as the Aiken Drum in the soooooong!

Mrs. Short Natalie: Is that a new shirt?
N: Yeah, it used to be my brother’s, but now it got a lot smaller, so I can wear it.

(Read the title of this post again and let it sink in. It’s brilliant.)

Grade 2/3

During my usual “Tell me your name, and something awesome” routine.

E: My name is E, and my favourite mode of transportation is mine carts!

A: My name is A, and I was born in America.
Me: Oh yeah? Where?
A: America.
Me: But where in America?
A: The United States!
Me: Yes I know, but what state?
A: AMERICA. Like, the United STATES.

Girl in big poofy gold princess dress and plastic high heeled “glass slippers”: You need to draw a drawbridge on that for it to be a real castle.

Kid wearing noise cancelling headphones, making fart noises with his hands and yelling: I CAN’T EVEN HEAR IT WHEN I DO THIS!

After gym class.

A: MAN. I need a SODA.

(especially great because we don’t say soda in Canada)

A: Do you think if we said Abracadabra, the teacher would disappear?
J: Let me try. (Waves an invisible wand at me and says the magic word)
A: Nope. You can’t even do that trick.
J: I have to practice my magic.

(Normally I don’t take things personally, but I have to admit that this one stung a little)

Almost word-for-word transcript of a story one of them wrote:

“One time a monkey got mad and robbed a bank with a banana. The cops came the cops ate the banana. The monkey punched the cops and the cops got knocked out. The cops were in the hospital for 100 weeks. The monkey went to jail. The cop’s lawyer came and sued the monkey. The end.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the next John Grisham!

Overheard in the grade one hallway:

K: Do you like my pants? They’re teenager pants!

Grade 2

In gym class, to start a dodge ball-type game, I always make kids crawl on their tummies like seals to get the balls. It’s harder work than just running, plus it’s hilarious to watch. The kids love it. Today, though?

E (sobbing): I…don’t want….to….craaaawl like a SEEEEEAL! I don’t…..like….crawling like a SEEEEEAL!”

I’ve officially scarred a child for life. I’m so sorry.

Have a good weekend. Maybe wear some teenager pants.
I’m going to Mississippi this weekend, but my blog will be up and running all next week. Check back Monday, Wednesday and Friday for delightful ridiculousness!

Friday Field Notes: Spoiler Alert!

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

I just returned from Mexico on Monday evening, so work was a little sparse this week. Still a few good ones.

Grade 1

Y: Are you our teacher today?
Me: Yes I am!
Y: OH GOOD. I love new teachers.

First thing in the morning, little buddy is crying and hands me a pair of mittens on strings that are tangled.

Me: Oh dear! Why are you crying?
K: My mi…ttins….are…..TAaaaaaangled!
I untangle the mittens, hand them back to him. He stops crying immediately and walks away.

Later that morning…

Me: Oh K, why are you crying?
K: I…for…got my book at….Hoooooome!
Me: That’s ok. I’m not mad. You don’t have to cry.
K: (stops crying immediately)

Grade 3/4

Me (to student teacher): Every single day, I get told I’m short.
Student teacher: Really? Every day.

2 minutes later…
D: Hey guys, I’m taller than the teacher! I’m taller than the supply teacher!
Student teacher: Aaaaand there it is.
Me: You’re not actually taller than me, though. Almost.
N: Nope. But I am.
Me (looking up at the 8 year old girl towering over me): Yes. Yes you are.

A: Where is Mrs. M?
Student teacher: She’s sick.
A: She’s been INVADED!

J (reading…looks up as I walk by): Oh man! I just looked up and was like, did we get a new student that’s like 5 foot 2?
Me (in my head): THAT WAS FREAKISHLY ACCURATE.

During a game of dodgeball.

Student teacher: Watch E. He just stands right at the line in the very middle of the gym and doesn’t move. No one even tries to get him out. He’s usually one of the last ones standing.

During a Writer’s Workshop.

J: We’re allowed to write about guns, as long as they shoot lasers. Our teacher Mrs. M lets us.
Student teacher: Well C wrote about guns that shoot blades. Would Mrs. M let you write about that?
J: No!
C: They’re foam! Foam blades!
Me: Nice save.

M: (farts, loudly, during a lesson)
D: WHOA, DUDE. You better check your pants. That one was WET.

After a girl shared a story about a teacher getting abducted by aliens.

N: Can I make a suggestion? You don’t have to listen to it really. But your story sounded a lot like the “My Teacher is an Alien” book that we just read. Now this is just a recommendation, but if I were you, I’d take out the parts about your teacher and the alien, because it’s just like the book and – SPOILER ALERT! – you don’t want to ruin the book.

Have a good weekend. Don’t get invaded or abducted or anything.
And if you’re interested, yes I did laugh when he farted. It was funny, ok?

Friday Field Notes: Three Genders

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

And I’m back! I worked more this week than I did the entire month of January. I am a happy girl. The kids weren’t especially weird this week, but there is still some good stuff.

Kindergarten

H: AWKWARD SHARK!

H: AWKWARD EYE!

H: AWKWARD TOWER!

H: AWKWARD SINK!

(Everything was awkward. All morning. ALL morning.)

K: Can you write this for me?
Me: No, but I can do dots, and you can trace over them to make the letters.
K (very distraught): Oh…but I’m just a little boy!

(This little one used to be in my preschool class and would say, “Mommy and Daddy are BEST FRIENDS!” at least sixteen times a day. She’s growing up and isn’t as annoying)

G: I have three teeth on the loose!

Grade 2

J: Noses are in schools!

J: R is being a jerk for me. Say something to her.

J (singing): Banaananananana! Noses! Noses are in schools!

Me: Oh! Someone didn’t rewind this tape.
R: That person is VICIOUS.

Things I heard screamed during a game of dodgeball in Grade 5/6:

E: Watch out for the BOUNTY HUNTER!

E: SAVE MY SOUL!

A (after hitting someone with a ball): What’s in YOUR wallet?

(I think I’m going to start using that as a regular retort)

Grade 6 girl: There are three genders: boys, girls and grade fives.

I’m OJ Simpson! I get to drink all the OJ!

(I think this was directed at me in passing, because after someone said it, a bunch of kids stared at me with gaping mouths)

You look like someone who is being pwned by someone who is half as short as you.

Kid’s Dad: Now, what do you have to say to your teachers?
O: Sorry for not listening and…
Dad: Being lippy.
O: LIPPY ISN’T EVEN A WORD.
Dad: Sigh.
O: Sorry for being LIPPY.
Dad: Ok. It’s the weekend. Let’s go.

Have a good weekend, my people.
Go drink all the OJ before Mr. Simpson gets to it.

 

Friday Field Notes: Mom

Work is really slow. As in, it’s pretty much non-existent. No work means no quotes from children this week. Sad news.

HOWEVER.

I offer you two condolences:

1. A video interview that The Joseph Craven did with yours truly while he was in Canada. You can see how odd and rambley I am in real life. I apologize in advance.

2. A bunch of weird stuff my mother said this week. Love you Moooooom!

(This first thing happened months ago)

Text messages I received while she was getting her oil changed.

Her: Do you stay in car?
Me: Yes hahah
Her: Don’t laugh. I didn’t drive into hole but I didn’t know how to pop hood. Teehee.
Her: This is boring and smelly..oil laced with pizza. Yuck.

Her: He went to….oh. What’s that called?
Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Her: That place. You know. Where the dogs and cats go when they don’t have homes.
Me: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Her: DON’T Tweet that!
Me: I’m not Tweeting it.
Her: They read to bunnies there!
Me: What?
Her: Dog pounds! Rick Mercer went to a dog pound and he read Jan Arden’s Tweets to bunnies.

Her: Guess what I’m singing! (sings a tune)
Me: I don’t think that’s a song.
Her: It’s the Big Friendly Giant music!
Me: No one would ever guess that.

Me: Say something funny.
Her: Why?
Me: Because.
Her: (silence)
Me: I won’t tweet it.
Her: (smiles with cucumber in her mouth to look like her teeth) Yes you will.

No. I won’t Tweet it, Mom. But I will blog it.

Happy weekend. Go hug your mom.

Oh hello!

Oh hello, Internets!

Today I’m guest posting over at Tamara Out Louds place where I share a mildly inappropriate story from my adventures at a trailer park. Yes. I worked at a trailer park. It’s a great story. Check it out. Then come back because there are some Friday Field Notes hidden at the bottom of this post.

For those of you who have wandered over from Tamara’s…

I am glad you’re here.

On Mondays I write posts about anything and everything. They could be about my upcoming Mission trip, things that most people think are dumb but I think are awesome, weird crap that freaks me out or something a little more serious.

On Wednesdays I post pictures that need not be explained.

On Fridays I post the weekly Field Notes, a collection of weird junk that kids at work say to me throughout the week. It’s definitely a highlight for a lot of readers.

Well GUESS WHAT? It’s FRIDAY! Now on with our regular programming…

(It’s a really slow time of year for my job. As in: I have very little work and it greatly impacts the amount of Field Notes. Trust me, I’m sad too)

Grade 2

I met S for the first time last week and I quickly realized his awesomeness. S is reading a cook book. I ask him a bunch of questions about food, and he brags at the food he’s cooked and ends with, “Look, I’ve made MEALS for my family.”

S (watching footage of a classmate figure skating): I couldn’t even do that!

G (watching figure skating footage): She’d be pretty good at hockey.

Me: So when you go to exchange your books, does your teacher send you downstairs alone without supervision?
A: Yeah because we’re more smarter now. Like probably know how to do things and stuff. Like not with them. The teacher. Yeah.

Kindergarten

Girl: I am getting mouses!
Boy: NO ketchup with mouses!

When I did the attendance, I asked the kids to tell me their favourite food when I called their name. Answers included:

-Pastas (plural)
-Broccolis (plural)
-Basgeddi
-Pizza (well duh)
-Tomatoes (like…ON your pizza?)
-Noodles
…and my favourite answer?
Chiggin NUGGETS.

Grade 3

T: Dark cola makes you fart.

A: I am really good at making up IMPOSSIBLE riddles.
Me: Ok, let’s hear one!
A: What has arms but cannot reach, eyes but cannot see, a mouth but cannot talk and –
G: A HOBO.
A: – a bed but cannot….No. It’s not a hobo.
G: Oh, because it totally sounded like a hobo.
A: It’s a RIVER.
G: Sounded like a hobo to me.

E (talking to the girl next to him, who is completely ignoring him): So there’s this show and it’s really great and it’s called. It’s a show. Home Funniest Videos. Guess what? It’s about videos. Guess what? They’re funny.

E: Chips can clog up your throat and you can’t breathe.
Me: Chips?
E: Yeah, like the fat.
Me: Oh, you mean your arteries. Yes, the fat from chips can clog up your arteries.
E: So you can’t swallow and stuff? Because it clogs up your throat?

G: I wish God made the world so that we were allergic to junk food. It would be so much EASIER.

For some reason, a bunch of the kids at this school were walking around with really great fake mustaches. This spurred some interesting conversations.

Teacher: I already told you this. We discussed the mustache issue. You only get to wear your mustache outside because it distracts you. We’ve already discussed the mustache. End of discussion. No more mustache.

While on lunch duty, I walk into a room where a kid is wearing one mustache on his lip and one mustache as a giant unibrow.

Kid: I AM ABRAHAM LINCOLN!

Later, I had to explain to Abraham (unibrow and all) that it wasn’t ok to spit in his classmate’s face even if that classmate and him were playing a “see if I can make you flinch” game and he lost the game. Spitting in someone’s face is very rude and disrespectful, no matter how badly he made you flinch. Abraham cried. Abraham and his big giant unibrow cried.

I have a weird job.

Have a wonderful weekend, you hobos.

Christmas Smorgasbord

In honour of the last Friday before Christmas, and to make up for a few lacking posts, I present you with…

A Christmas Smorgasbord: A Delightful Mish-Mash of Christmas Whimsy

There will be pictures, videos and Field Notes scattered throughout this post.

Please enjoy responsibly.

Pictured: My father, my father’s beard, my oldest brother, my oldest brother’s glasses

The weirdest, yet incredibly catchy Christmas song I discovered this season:

Kid holding a piece of paper over his lap: “I’m wearing a MAN SKIRT.”

Pictured: My dear friend Andrea, myself, and our blue Christmas balls. Ahem.


Librarian reading a book about robots to the kids: I’m sorry. My robot voice is not very good.
T (in robot voice): THAT’S OK. WE WILL FORGIVE YOU.

Another teacher told me this one.

Her: So how do you think Santa gets all those presents?
Tr: He buys them online.

Found this in my bed, thus signifying the start of the Christmas season.

Me: We missed you when you were sick the other day. What did you do to get better?
R (picture Luna Lovegood, and you’ve got this little one): I drank lots of tea with honey and lemon.
Me: Oh yeah? What kind of tea?
R (wide eyes, huge smile): Camilla.

My parents’ reactions to “Make your best IT’S ALMOST CHRISTMAS! face.”

Playing giant rock paper scissors in gym class.

Boy: I still don’t get how paper beats rock.
Me: No one does.

E: Can you help me with my backpack? Not everything fits.
I help her, and fit everything in with no real struggles.
E: WHOA. Teacher magic!


Lyrics to my new favourite Christmas song by The Walla Recovery. You can listen to and download their Christmas EP for FREE here.

Come Ye Redeemed

Come ye redeemed of the Lord; your grateful tribute bring
And celebrate with one accord the birthday of our King

Yet us with humble hearts repair (faith will point out the road)
To little Bethlehem and there adore our infant God

In swaddling bands the savior view! Let none his weakness scorn!
The feeblest heart shall hell subdue where Jesus Christ is born

No pomp adorns, no sweets perfume where Jesus Christ is laid
A stable serves him for his room; a manger is his bed

The crowded inn, like sinners’ hearts (oh ignorance extreme)
For other guests, of various sorts, had room, but none for him

But see what different thoughts arise in our and angels’ breasts
To hail his birth they left the skies; we lodged him with the beasts

Yet let believers cease their fears, nor envy heavenly powers
If sinless innocence be theirs, redemption all is ours

I was going to add a little explanation to those lyrics, but I’m quite certain it sums it up quite eloquently. I pray that amidst the craziness, the fun, the sparkling lights, the presents and the food, that your heart leaves room to remember the baby that changed everything forever.

Merry Christmas!

Friday Field Notes: Gentlemen

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

Well I know it’s Sunday, and these are the Friday Field Notes. I was busy living life and being Christmasy so I haven’t had a chance until right now. Better late than never?

To make up for my tardiness, I present you with some notes from the lost archives (ie a slip of paper I found in my purse). These feature some Mennonite children.

Me: What animals are you drawing?
H: A octopus, a alligator.
Me: Giggle.

Me: If you could give someone in your life anything they want, what would you give them?
K: A EGG.

J: My favourite place in the world to go is Walmart.

Grade 3

Me (to little buddy turned around in his seat): A, your paper gets sad when you have your back to it.
A: Actually…paper has no feelings.

I’ll trade you my face for an eraser!

H: K, A, J and I were fooling around in the bathroom at break and this girl came in and asked her what our names were and said that we were going to get in trouble so K is crying because she doesn’t want to get in trouble because that girl shouldn’t have said that to us.
Me: Well, should you have been silly in the washroom? Were you making the right choice?
A: No.
Me: Maybe then you have to learn that there are consequences when you don’t make the right choice.
A: (face crumples, wails for the rest of the afternoon)
Me: Oh boy.

Grade 4/5

Me (to a very boyish boy): Why are you carrying a pink plastic purse?
M: Because I TRADED for it.

The rest of the kids were too insane and I didn’t write anything else down. For the most part, tough class = few field notes.

I was at a place where I did practice teaching two years ago. Basically, I know the majority of the kids at this place, and I can’t walk through the halls without being bombarded by hugs and kids yelling my name. I feel like a celebrity. I had a chance to catch up with a bunch of my favourite kiddies.

Grade 4/5

This guy has a specific way of talking that I wish you could all hear. It makes everything he says at least twenty times funnier.

C: Hey Miss B, remember that time in grade 3 when you were at light tag with us? And you played with us and shot us? And your friend, I shot him a bunch of times? He was standing there and I shot him through a mirror and I shot him? And you were playing laser tag with all of us?
Me: Yes, C. I do remember it. Thanks for bringing it up.

B: Can I tell you something?
Me: Yes, sure.
B: You’re pretty and you don’t talk too loud.
Me: Ok…?
B: Well some teachers talk really loud and yell and stuff. You don’t yell and you have nice hair.
Me: Thanks.

C (said to a classmate): Actually, I’m fighting for your right!

Me (looking at a crowd of boys surrounding a desk): Hmm, I wonder what those gentlemen are up to.
C: Probably having a gentleman party.
Me: A gentleman party?
C: Yeah, a party with just gentlemen.
Me: Ah, ok.
C: Doing gentleman things. A gentleman party.

Kindergarten

These kids all called me Mrs. Newman all afternoon.

Me: It’s Bast, honey.
T: Bastard?
Me: NO. Bast.
F: Bat?
J: Bass?
A: Like a bathtub?
Me: You can just call me Mrs. Newman.

A: I’m almost as tall as you!
Me: You know, in most kindergarten situations, you would be way off, but yes, you ARE almost as tall as me.

*Note: looking a five year old in the eye is a VERY odd experience.

Kids are running around the hall screaming, not putting snowpants one, generally causing a giant ruckus.

O: Hey you’re pretty, teacher.
Me: While I appreciate your sentiment, I would appreciate it more if you weren’t hitting other people over the head while you said it.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend and had lots of Gentleman Parties.

 

Friday Field Notes: Science Talk

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

I was with the same group of kids from last Thursday through until the following Wednesday. They were ridiculous. They were noisy, nutty and all over the place, but I had SO much fun with them. There is a special place in my heart for these monkeys. They were priceless. I was so busy and having so much fun that I forgot to write down a lot of what they said. But here are a few.

Me: Ok, you guys hit about 12:15 and you all go nuts. Why do you think that is? We have great mornings, but our afternoons are tough.
B: Well. It’s after break and we’ve all eaten our food and then all of a sudden we all get a bunch of energy all at once because we’ve digested our food.
L: What?
B: That’s SCIENCE TALK.
L: You’re weird.
S: Look, the teacher is laughing!
(All the kids look at me laughing, which makes me laugh harder)
Me: Well that was funny.

The kids are using the letters from the word “properties” to make new words.

R: You can make poop!
L: No you can’t! There is only one ‘o’.
R: YEAH! POOP! P-O-P!
A: That’s POP.
R: No, it’s POOP.
M: No it’s not! (goes to get a dictionary)
Me: What’s going on guys?
R: You can spell POOP with this word.
Me: No you can’t.
R: YES. My mom said poop is spelled P-O-P.
L: TWO ‘O’s. You need TWO.
M: It’s not in the dictionary.
Me: R, TRUST ME, poop is spelled P-O-O-P. End of discussion.

Me: So what do you think an angle that is straight called? Make an educated guess.
K: A straight angle?
Me: Yeah! A straight angle!
L: YOU’RE A STRAIGHT ANGLE.
Me: (look at L)
L: Sorry.

Grade 1

Me: Can you tell me what the food groups are?
R: Vegetables!
Me: Yes, fruits and vegetables. What else?
L: Shrimp?
Me: Well, shrimp is IN one of the food groups. What is that one called?
J: Bleach.
Me: Excuse me?
J: Bleach.
Me: Uh. No. You should neeeever eat bleach.

J: My lizard’s name is RANDALL.

During math, wrapping a measuring tape around his lizard’s belly:

J (whispering): Don’t worry Randall, this won’t hurt.

Kindergarten duty (hah duty)

Kid: Are you a girl?
Me: Yes.

Girl: Are you a kid?
Me: No, I’m a teacher.

WHO IS YOUR NAME?

Obviously Caucasian girl: Guess what?
Me: What?
OCG: I’m from Korea!
Me: Oh wow.
Obviously Korean Girl: No. She’s not. I’m from Korea.

Have a good weekend.
That’s SCIENCE talk.

Friday Field Notes

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

For some reason, my body only let me get three hours of sleep last night. Today was a STRUGGLE. I had some points today when the kids were rangy, that I just stood and stared. Typing this out was also a struggle. I know the kids said way more fantastic stuff this week (and some from last) but I can’t remember where I even was this week. I think the story at the end will make up for it, though.

From last week:

J: Sometimes my dad is grumpy.
Me: Why?
J: Because sometimes I am bad and sometimes I am good.

This week:

Grade 3:

First 10 minutes of the day.

C: Aw man, she’s a LOSER. (referring to me)

Grade 4/5 (Same class for a full five days!)

During my regular “tell me your name, and something awesome” routine. This time in addition to this, I asked them to tell me what was the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten.

I got lots of “dill pickles” and “snails” answers. I also got this.

S: Plast-a-scene.
Me: Remind me to hide the school supplies from S.

Me: Tell me something awesome.
A: Bacon.
Me: You are not the first person to have said this.

S: Last night I was sleep walking and ran into a bush. And I yelled and I woke up in a bush.

Me: What is the name of your magic show?
Them: The Great Dorito!

Me: You can draw any winter scene.
S: Can I draw Pizza Hut?
Me: Pizza Hut? Really?
S: I’ll draw snow on the roof!

He drew a Pizza Hut. With snow AND icicles.

Me: Can you pick up all the paper on the floor, honey?
E: Don’t call me honey, that’s gross.

Me: Why were you so late this morning, M?
M: My dog peed on my coat.

Me (rather upset, after a bit of a “I’m not pleased with your behaviour” rant, staring at a kid in front of me): Do I look impressed to you?
L (beside me): A little bit.

Me: Oh thanks, honey.
E: I am NOT something you put on toast!

When I do attendance, instead of getting the kids to say “here” I get them to say a certain something, like their favourite food or colour. Thursday I got them to say their favourite word.

Me: A.
A: Potato.
Me: K.
K: Mysterious.
Me: E.
E: Supercalafragalisticexpialadocious.
Me: L.
L (totally deadpan): Testicles.
Me: R.
R: Puppy.
Me (suddenly realizing what L just said): Um.
N: WHAT? AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. He just said….AHHHH HAHAHA. WHAT? I CAN’T BELIEVE…..

(None of the other kids are laughing. They don’t get it. I am flabbergasted and really want to laugh, but I am trying to play it cool and not react. L is still completely straight faced)

Me: N, we’re MOVING ON.

(N stops laughing immediately and we proceed like nothing happened)

Guys, someone said “testicles” in my class and no one noticed. Not even me. I have no idea how I held it together. Teacher magic?

I love my job.
Have a good weekend.

Friday Field Notes: Cursive

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

This week….was perfection. I was busy every day and loved every class I was in. It was most definitely a “I can’t believe they’re paying me to do this” kind of week.

My Monday afternoon started in A’s class (who was away, sadly). The Friday previous (Remembrance Day) I informed them they were having me for an entire afternoon of art. So Monday when I walked in the room, they stood up and cheered. It was more for the art than for me. But still. Standing ovation and cheering. I felt like a superstar. Great start to the week.

During a bus evacuation drill. A girl, S, gets chosen by the bus driver to be a volunteer.

C (of “forget her, she’s dirty” fame): She gets to do everything just because she has diabetes!

Grade 2/3

A boy, L, brings in a fairly extensive leaf collection. We spend fifteen minutes pouring over each leaf and showing the class. Students asked questions afterwards.

R: Do you like leaves?
L: No. Not really.
Me: Sigh.

Grade 4

F: My name is F, and I like waffles.
Me: Waffles are plaid pancakes!

(crickets)

K: My name is a vegetable.

E: My name is E and I like cheese.
Me: Trees? Why are they awesome?
E: No, CHEESE.
Me: Oh! Cheese. Well why cheese?
E: I like the way it looks.
Me: So you don’t like to eat it?
E: Nope.
Me: You just look at it and say, “That’s a nice piece of cheese”?
E: Yes.

J: I like velvet cupcakes. I want to marry Luke Skywalker. I love Star Wars. And I love Star Wars. And I love Star Wars.

A: My name is A, and I like to be annoying.

J: My name is J, and you should never trust A.

R: One time, I was at King’s Buffet and I got some water and asked my dad to make it lemon, so he squeezed the entire lemon and made my whole water lemon and the lemon jumped out of his hand and hit me in the eye. So that’s how you can remember my name.

Ch: My name is Ch, I like cheese and Clone Wars. That’s how you remember my name.

I: My name is I, and tonight after school, we’re going to hide the baby monitor and use it to spy on my brother playing video games.

M: It’s like being in the jungle. It’s scary and you have to trust each other and use a machete to cut down trees and vines, but you would never go off on your own because that would be dangerous. You have to work together to get food and shelter. You have to be careful and trust each other so you don’t get eaten by a crocodile.
Me: That was the most intense metaphor for group work I have ever heard.

K: This is like a fly swatter for your kitchen. So in case flies are borning babies on your food.

Grade 3

Me: Tell me something awesome about yourself.
K (jeans pulled up really high, sweatshirt tucked in to jeans, glasses): My name is K, and I like writing reports.

Ooooof course you do.

Me: Tell me something awesome about yourself.
C: I like cursive.

Ooooof course you do.


Later, during a Special Me exercise. The kids have to write something nice about the Special Me person. They had to bring it to me to check over and approve.

C: Sorry if you can’t read it. It’s in cursive.
Me: No worries. It’s great.
C: Oh good.
Me (reading): “J is special because she is really kind and she is quite flexible. She is also special because she uses cursive.”

A: “J is special because she is a very flexible person and she speaks our language politely.”

E: “J is special because she can do the splits, even when she is wearing jeans.”

(At least half of the class made a mention of her flexibility. Because that is what is important when you are 8 years old)

Friday Field Note BONUS!

Tuesday night was our community theater dress rehearsal. One of the actor’s kids came to see the show. The 3 year old girl was SO sweet and everything that came out of her 6 year old brother’s mouth was gold. Here are a few things they said that night:

Me: I’m Amanda.
Him (grabbing my hand immediately): I’m C. Can I tell you a secret?
Me: Sure!
Him: But you can’t tell anyone.
Me: Ok, I won’t.
Him: Guess what. Can I tell you where I live?
Me: Ok.
Him: But you can’t tell anyone.
Me: Oh I won’t, I promise.
Him (whispering): 333 First Street. But DON’T TELL because that would be bad.

Him (hugging me): Guess what? We don’t live at the same house, but we can still be best friends forever.

Me: How old do you think I am?
Him: Twelve!

Him (nuzzling under my arm): When you get older, you get more dead.

Him (holding my hand): Well, I got to go and learn stuff so I know more stuff and learn.

During Act I, when her mom walked on stage:

Her: MOMMY!!!!!!

We all melted backstage.

Seeing his little sister dancing on stage during intermission:

Him: I wish I could do that.
Me: You can! Go up the stairs!
Him: I’m feeling shy. But if I go up, I won’t dance.

He went up on stage. And danced.

During intermission.

Him: Are you really bad guys? Do you really like snakes?
Me: No. We’re just pretending.
Him: So you’re not a bad guy.
Me: Nope, I promise.
Him: GOOD.

Still during intermission, five minutes later.

Him: HEY! You were a good play!

When the lights come up at the beginning of Act II:

Him: HEY! They’re all back again!

(I broke character and giggled)

After:

Erica (to little sister): Do you like watching your Mommy be the Sherrif?
G: Not really!

And so ends a perfect week.

Have a great weekend, Internets. Practice your cursive.