Friday Field Notes: Brunch

Every week I teach 161 different kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

Kindergarten:

(Runs to me and hugs me tight): I want to keep you forever!

E: I got married on a wedding Saturday.
Me: Oh really? Do you mean you went to a wedding?
E: Yeah. My mom had a wedding.
Me: Your mom got married? Really?
E: With a juicebox.

Grade 1/2/3

C: My parents builded me. They lived in Toronto maaaaany many years ago. That’s where they builded me.

Discussing our Christmas concert, and whether or not we celebrate Christmas, and what it means to celebrate Christmas (some fascinating things come up in the public school system.)

Me: What is a manger?
B: Where (mumble mumble).
Me: Pardon?
B: Where they keep dead people.
Me: Um. No.

K: My dad used to live down the street from the Jesus place.

E: SOMETIMES people celebrate Christmas with brunch!

Me: Do you celebrate Christmas?
A: No. But if it was on a Sunday, we’d go to church.
Me: Well, what would you learn at church?
A: That Jesus was born on Christmas.
Me: So then you celebrate Christmas.
A: Only if it’s on a Sunday.

Me: Do you celebrate Christmas?
J: No, but we get presents.
Me: When?
J: On Christmas.

A: Jesus wasn’t actually born on Christmas day.
M: WHAAAAT? NO! YOU’RE WRONG!
A: It wasn’t actually on the day with snow and a Christmas tree.
M: BUT THE BIBLE SAYS SO! JESUS WAS BORN WITH SNOW.
(this grade 2 discussion got RATHER heated)

Grade 4/5

One of the “cool” guys in the class who rarely smiles, shows up to school on Halloween dressed head to toe in a pink and purple clown costume.
Me (deadpan, no smiling): Nice.
Him (deadpan, no smiling): Thanks.

It was one of my top Halloween moments of all time.

E: What’s with your HAIR?
Me: Oh thanks, E! You look great today too!
E (brightening): Oh hey thanks, Miss B!

Grade 1/2

Me (during an oral assessment of mapping skills during social studies): So what IS Canada? (correct response: a country)
A: A land of joy and chocolate!

During math: A turtle peed on my arm!

L: Miss…..B……I’m done.
Me: Looks great, L. Go have a seat at your desk.
(2 minutes later)
L: Miss….B….I’m done.
Me: Yup, I’ve already told you it looks good. Go have a seat at your desk.
(2 minutes later)
L: Miss….B……
Me: Yup, have a seat.
(2 minutes later)
L: Miss…
Me: Oh. My.
(2 minutes later)
L: Miss….B…..
Me: SERIOUSLY?!
(2 minutes later)
L: Miss….B…..
Me: Oh! Are you done? I had no idea!
L: But….(looking really confused as he walks back to his desk)

I totally won that one.

I: I’m working SO hard, I’m getting math sweats!

Oh, and two weeks ago, I threw up in the middle of a parent-teacher interview. When I came back from the washroom, the mom wanted a picture with me and her child before they went on a trip. So there’s a really really awful post-vomit picture of me circulating somewhere in India. Teaching is grand.

Have a delightful weekend.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Friday Field Notes: Brunch

  1. “A land of joy and chocolate” should be the next tourism marketing slogan for Canada. Because now I want to visit that great land up north (unless you’re in Detroit, in which case it’s south) to get a taste of the joy and chocolate. Mostly the chocolate, but some joy, too.

  2. It seems to me that there have been multiple arms in this school peed on by turtles. In math.

    I have a submission. I was in a kindergarten class the other day and during their free time two of the girls got into a joking argument over what one of them said earlier, during class.

    A: You said whipped cream!
    B: I said cake!
    A: I’m going to have to return the whipped cream?
    B: I said CAKE!
    A: WHIPPED CREAM!
    B: You have whipped cream on your eyeball!
    A: You said purple cream.
    B: I said BLUE cream.

  3. “A land of joy and chocolate!” <— Made me guffaw.

    And I DO hope that if I ever get married, there are juice boxes involved.

  4. So funny, at my school in Cambridge, I overheard a conversation go like this:

    (Grade 2)
    Student 1: You are too chatty!
    Student 2: It is because of my speech delay
    Student 1: I don’t even know what that means, what do you think I am Japanese?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s