Doing Dishes

First I rinse everything that needs to be rinsed. Then I put all the cutlery in the bottom of the sink. I turn on hot water and rinse the sink, making sure there are no food chunkies left in the bottom. I put the plug in and squirt some soap while the hot water runs. I let the water run until I have a few inches of soap and water. Then I wash dishes using a dishcloth (not a sponge), starting with cutlery, and ending with the biggest and/or dirtiest dish. If the dishes are dirty with stuck on food, I use a plastic scouring pad that gets replaced monthly. If it’s really stuck on, I dump a little baking soda in the dish and make a paste with water and scrub like a maniac.

Before the dishes get put on the drying rack, they get rinsed in hot water. Once all the dishes are washed, rinsed, and put on the rack, I rinse out my dishcloth and thoroughly wipe down my counters (and my stove if I did the cooking there). My counters get wiped a couple of times every day. The only things that don’t air dry are my knives because they’re the most expensive thing in my apartment besides my couch. I like my knives. My knives are my children. My knives don’t talk back to me. My knives are pretty.

I replace my dishcloths every 3 to 5 days. I have different towels for dish drying and hand drying. Those get replaced every 5 to 7 days. If I ever have to wipe up the floor, I either use paper towels or I throw the cloth or towels in the wash immediately. Raw meat juice gets sprayed with disinfectant and wiped with paper towels.

My mother washes dishes like this, as do my siblings. I assumed (until fairly recently) this is how everyone did dishes. I was wrong. Very wrong.

As it turns out there are huge divides when it comes to sponge versus cloth and how you wipe counters. Or IF you even wipe counters (YOU NEED TO WIPE YOUR COUNTERS). This causes me significant (probably unnecessary) stress and I want to know if anyone out there is as neurotic as I am about dishes (oh gosh, I hope so).

This type of thing fascinates me. How can something so simple vary so drastically? How can some people be super gross about dish washing? Who taught you to wash dishes? WHY DON’T YOU WIPE YOUR COUNTERS?

Please indulge me and explain your process. Sponge or cloth? Full sink or running water? Rinse or no rinse? Hand dry or drying rack? What gets left out of the dishwasher? What about your counters? Am I insane? Have I waved my freak flag a little too enthusiastically with this post?

 

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Facebook Ads

Someone told me that the ads that appear on the right side of your Facebook page are reflective of what you do on the internet. Here’s a list of ads that have appeared within the last couple of days and what they say about me.

Today’s Hot Deals! Well I DO love a good deal. When I walk into a store, I go straight to the sale rack. I rarely buy anything regular price (unless the regular price is $10 and under, then I’m all over it)

Mastercard. I’m a VISA girl, but I guess this one is pretty straightforward.

21st Century Church. Hey! I go to church! I live in the 21st Century! Good job, Facebook!

Ravioli Soup with Havarti. While this sounds delicious, I have pretty significant food intolerances. This would kill me slowly. But it’s the thought that counts, right?

EpiPen. I know I just said that I have food intolerances, but that doesn’t mean I need an EpiPen. I can take care of myself. That’s almost a little insulting.

Great RUGBY training ! (with a space before the exclamation mark). Well I do like exercise in some situations, but I don’t know if Rugby is really a fit for someone my size, or for someone who despises running as much as I do. I’ll pass, thanks.

Roca Labs Gastric Bypass. So what exactly are you trying to say, here? Do you think I need surgery? It’s only allergies! Bypass wouldn’t fix me. Unless…you are hinting at something else? First exercise and now surgery? DO YOU THINK I’M FAT, FACEBOOK?

Charter Fishing. Fishing? You think I’m too obese for regular exercise, and all I can do is FISH? That’s hardly a sport. Most of it involves sitting! So you think I should just spend the rest of my leisure time doing nothing but sitting? AM I REALLY THAT LAZY IN YOUR EYES?

Join the Cattitude. Cats?! CATS?! I’M NOT THAT FAR GONE, YET!

Buy cheese online! Hey! You can buy cheese online? That’s so convenient. I could just sit here and with a few clicks of a button, have cheese delivered to my house. I wouldn’t have to walk through the grocery store or get off the couch even. I could just sit here with my cats and….I HATE YOU, FACEBOOK.

What Your Fruit Says About You

Ah this riveting series is back! Finally.

Now you’ve heard my take on ice cream, potato chips, baked potatoes and vegetables. Now it’s time to take on fruit. Or is it fruits? I’ve never really been sure on that one. I love fruit. You love fruit. We all do. It’s impossible not to love it. In this installation, I’m discussing your basic types of fruit. Tune in (can you tune in to a blog? Or is that a phrase used for strictly radio purposes?) to future installments to read about more fruit. Fruits?

What Your Fruit Says About You
A completely inaccurate analysis

Apple
You are large and in charge. Continue reading

What Your Baked Potato Toppings Say About You

When I was in the South, I had the pleasure of eating at a restaurant that sold baked potatoes as a MEAL. I mean, these potatoes had it all. Basically anything you wanted could be found on top of a baked potato. For a potato-obsessed girl such as myself, I was in my glory. I was only visiting for nine days, but we had baked potatoes twice. I would have eaten one every day. I was sold. A bunch of stuff piled on my potato? Pinch me.

What Your Baked Potato Toppings Say About You
A completely inaccurate analysis

Butter
You’re the girl or boy next door. While there isn’t anything remarkable about you, you’re certainly not boring either. Your friends moms really like you. Not because you’re a suck up, just because you’re a genuinely great human being. You’re the classic, the standby. You might not have a wide circle of friends, but the ones you do have, you’ve had for years. You’re the guy who finds his dream job right out of college, and works there until the day you retire.

Sour Cream
Although you claim not to be, you’re kind of a Debbie Downer. You’re not a giant grumpy pants, but you do tend to be a bit of a worrier. If a situation could go one of two ways, you’ll automatically assume it’ll be the way that isn’t as good. It’s not that you want horrible things to happen, it’s just that you prepare yourself for the worst in order to not be let down. You’re a defensive pessimist.

Green Onions
You’re distinguished. You appreciate the finer things in life, and definitely have a glass of wine before bed every night. You’re simple, but classy. No one would ever accuse you of being obnoxious. A tad bit uptight, maybe, but not quite stuffy. You’re refined, polished, and have really clean fingernails.

Cheese Sauce
You’re the guy who’s always on at social gatherings. It’s really great most of the time because you keep conversation rolling and people laughing. You get invited to a lot of parties because you make a great buffer and can talk to anyone, even the most awkward guests. You do tend to talk about yourself a lot, which makes some people assume you’re self absorbed. In time, people learn that you just really friendly and hate awkward silences.

The Works
You take risks and live life in the fast lane. You’re not afraid to try something new. As a kid, if you played Truth or Dare, you’d always, without a doubt, pick dare. You’ve definitely injured yourself a time or two after asking the question, “What’s the worst that could happen?” You live as if there are no consequences, and people are usually envious of your carefree attitude. You’re the guy Nike thought of when they were coming up with their slogan.

Bacon
Everyone loves you. You’re the best ever. The end.

 

What Your Potato Chips Say About You

On Fridays when I don’t have any Field Notes to post, I’ve started to post these odd personality assessments based on food. I don’t understand it, but you people seem to love it.

What Your Potato Chips Say About You
A completely inaccurate analysis

Regular
At first glance, you seem run of the mill. There is nothing that stands out about you, and you’re not that memorable. However, you know your strengths and weaknesses and how to play them to your advantage. You know that standing alone won’t get you noticed, so you work hard to develop your skills and interests that will give you that extra pizazz.  If you were to do any public speaking, for example, you know that just talking in front of a crowd wouldn’t suffice. You would create a multimedia Powerpoint presentation that would capture your audience, but not take away from your message. To your core, you are simple and straightforward, but you know how to captivate people and keep them coming back to you.

Salt & Vinegar
You’re the friend that people really love, but only in small doses. You have a quick, sharp sense of humour that shocks people, but you still manage to win them over. You get invited to places and seem to know everyone. You’re around, but it’s not necessarily because people are drawn to you. If you were a comic book character, you would be Reggie Mantle. You have friends, you’ve been on dates with Veronicas, but it’s not because you’re especially likeable. You just manage to weasel your way into everything. You would thrive as a salesman or a lawyer, with your quick wit and persuasive personality.

Sour Cream & Onion
You’re more regular than Regular chip guy.  You’re the girl/guy next door. You’re not overpowering, but you leave a lasting impression. If you asked someone out on a date, they would think you’re just being friendly. You think you’re doomed to be in the friend zone forever. Initially, they’ll end up going for more of a “bad boy/girl”, but don’t worry. Once s/he realizes you were what s/he wanted the whole time, you’ll have her/him captivated.  The beauty of someone like you is that you’re what everyone is looking for, they just don’t know it yet. Be patient.

Ketchup
You’re really polite, but can be a bit on the reserved side. You get along with everyone and tend to be a bit of a people pleaser. In theory, your personality sounds great. Who doesn’t love polite people? In practice though, something is just a little off. Why are you smiling so much? Is everyone really your “buddy”? How come you never get angry? Are you actually normal, or are you a few monkeys short of a barrel? No one will really understand.

Dill Pickle
You are really weird. If one of your close friends were to describe you, they would say that you are quirky. Your unique personality draws people to you. You write songs about inanimate objects. You would consider having a dreadlock. Not a full head of dreadlocks. Just one. You were that student in college that opted to perform an interpretive dance in place of a serious presentation, yet still managed to pull off an A. You are weird, but it’s endearing. No one quite remembers how they got to be your friend, but they are all thankful they did.

All Dressed
No one understands you because you’re trying to do too much at once. Like the bros at the club drinking cider, popping collars and wearing an entire bottle of cologne, you just don’t make sense. You have a strong personality that only appeals to a few people. Those on the outside of your friend group don’t get why they would ever gravitate to someone who talks in abrevs and eats at Schlotzsky’s. You and your bros bust out crappy break dance moves at the club, and chest bump each other when you catch the ladies looking. Bro, that look on that chick’s face? That’s horror.

What’s your favourite flavour?

What Your Ice Cream Says About You

On Fridays when I don’t have any Field Notes to post, I’ve started to post these odd personality assessments based on food. I don’t understand it, but you people seem to love it.

This next one goes out to my dear friend Joanna. Jo and I went to the same elementary school, high school and university, yet we met and got to know each other 3 hours north from home at our cottages. We both spent a bunch of summers working at a family campground. We worked in the camp store together. We worked in the restaurant together. We sometimes went on golf cart rides around the camp together. We also ran Family Bingo together two nights a week, but that’s an entirely separate (and glorious) story. But the thing Joanna and I got really good at when we worked together?

Predicting ice cream flavours. We had it down to a science. As soon as someone came in the store, we could tell if they were jonesin’ for some ‘scream. We knew, based on personality and age group, what kind of ice cream they would choose. We were rarely wrong. I guess you could say this is how I first became aware of my uncanny ability to match people to food.

I will now pass this gift to you, my dear internets.

What Your Ice Cream Says About You
A slightly more accurate than normal analysis

Cookie Dough
This is the ice cream that brings people together. It’s the wildcard. Everyone enjoys a nice cookie dough ice cream every now and again. I can’t describe this one effectively because a lot of people really enjoy cookie dough ice cream. If Joanna and I ever made a false ice cream prediction, it usually involved cookie dough. Everyone just really loves it. Which means it’s the most relaxed and easy going of flavours. Your backup flavours are Mint Chocolate Chip or just plain Chocolate.

Vanilla
Some people call you plain, but those who are close to you know that you’re a classic. You’re a low maintenance, behind the scenes kind of person. You would rather give a donation anonymously and never be acknowledged than have any attention drawn to that. You’re quiet, and you’re ok with that. You are either a child under the age of four, or an elderly woman who is wise with age.

Mint Chocolate Chip
This is the teenage girl of all ice creams. You don’t just love things, you LOVE things. Emphatically. You often walk right up to an ice cream counter and without even looking at other flavours, order mint chocolate chip. How does this play into personality? You talk a lot. You have lots of friends. You are a social butterfly. If this ice cream was a popular TV show character, it would be Schmidt from New Girl. Sometimes a little powerful. Sometimes a little too much of the same. But you can’t help but love him. Like, LOVE it. If you order mint chocolate chip ice cream, you are likely a woman between the ages of 15 and 45, or a male in his later teens. Your backup flavours (heaven forbid there be no mint choco chip!) are cookie dough and fruity.

Fruity
You are a middle aged woman, probably somewhere in the middle of menopause. You like to think you’re healthy, but then again, you’re still eating ice cream. You have a very nurturing and mothering personality, and everyone likes you. You’re super fun and awesome and bubbly, and you are, but in a sweet, “aw, she’s so cute!” kind of way. Everyone needs someone like you in their life to take care of them and to be their cheerleader. Your backup flavour is Vanilla or Mint Chocolate Chip.

Cotton Candy/Bubble Gum
You have endless energy, and see no problem with eating candy for breakfast. In fact, out of anyone on this list, you would be most likely to order ice cream first thing in the morning. You don’t pay much attention to rules or social norms, but you are really fun. You were the kid in high school that sat in the front row of class and cracked jokes, yet never really got into trouble. If you order Cotton Candy, Bubblegum, or some other fluorescent flavour, you are either a small child or an adult who will never grow up. Your backup flavour is Chocolate with more Chocolate.

Pralines and Cream/Butterscotch Ripple/Maple Walnut/Butter Pecan
You are nostalgic. You long for days gone by. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a very pleasant and you love watching the world grow in front of you, but you remember the good old days. You have lots of wrinkles from laughing and from staying out in the sun too long. You have fond childhood memories of running around the yard barefoot. You remember what life was like before the internet. Basically what I’m trying to say is that you’re old. You choose these flavours because they were the only ones around when you were a kid. You don’t have a backup flavour. If you can’t have something on this list, you don’t bother trying it because it will only lead to disappointment.

Chocolate with more Chocolate
You love life and you live it to the fullest. You are either a take charge kind of woman, or a grown man with way too much energy. You’re spunky, the life of the party, and you sometimes take off your pants in public. That’s ok though, people still love you. You usually have a huge smile plastered on your face, which makes you a joy to be around. Your backup flavours are Cotton Candy or Cookie Dough.

Black Cherry
You are a terrifying old woman with a cane who likes to yell if the girls behind the counter do not have black cherry readily available. You emotionally scar people, but you make for great monologues that help people get parts in plays. So. Thanks for that, at least.

What’s your favo[u]rite flavo[u]r? Is my analysis accurate?

What Your Vegetables Say About You

Do you remember that time I didn’t post Field Notes, but instead analyzed personalities based on egg preferences? I was going to apologize for that, but you people loved it and requested more of the same. That’s weird, guys. But I listen to my people. Here is some more stuff I just made up. I can already tell you this is going to get a little weird.

What Your Vegetables Say About You
A completely inaccurate analysis

Carrots
You’re dependable. You’re straightforward, have a no nonsense attitude, and people appreciate you for that. No, you’re not exciting and you won’t spice anything up, but you’re classic. You make a great partner. You can hold a steady job. You are the kind of person that entered the working world at the bottom of the ladder and slowly and surely have climbed your way to the top. You’re predictable, and you’ll always be around, and your friends and family are thankful for that.

Lettuce
For the most part, you are misunderstood. At first glance, you’re not that appealing. Your personality can fall a little flat and bland. People stay with you because they know you’re a good influence, but they don’t necessarily love having just you around. You’re good at being a buffer between strong personalities. You keep everything together, you add a little to the group dynamic, but on your own? You’re ok. Make sure you surround yourself with people that will bring out the best in you.

Corn
You are the definition of a good friend. You are very sweet. Your bright, sunshiney personality is pleasant and welcoming. You’re versitile and can fit in under almost any circumstance. You’re friends with everyone it seems, and you can brighten almost any day. You are loyal and will stay with your friends until the very end. They’ll always remember the time they spent with you.

Cucumber
You’re the guy that everyone wants to be. In elementary school and high school, you were the star of every team. You had the highest marks in class. But when you got to post-secondary education? Totally different story. When you’re compared to others, you’re just not that exciting anymore. You’re past your prime. You look nice, but you’ve got no character or inner strength. People will still hang out with you on weekends, but they’ll forget why you were their idol in the past.

Asparagus
People really like you, but no one is really sure why. You think you are really great. You really add to a discussion, you get along well with others. For the most part, you are great. Then all of a sudden, you have to drop that one weird comment in there that trumps all of your previous greatness. Maybe no one notices at first, but later that night when they’re in bed thinking about their night, they’ll think of you, and that one strange comment you made. Their opinion of you will drastically change. They’ll be disgusted. But do you know what? Somehow they’ll forget about it totally and you’ll get invited to stuff again. You’ll probably make some dumb comment that will silently horrify your hosts, but you can always win them back.

Brussel Sprouts
You’re that one kid in elementary school that wanted to be a robotics engineer when everyone else wanted to be hockey players and ballerinas. Few people will understand you, and will classify you as simply a “nerd”, but you know that you are so much more than that. Your personality is intricate, it is complicated, and only a select number of people will take the time and realiz what you are truly all about. Then once they do, they’ll realize you’re just a baby version of someone else they know.

Broccoli
You’re a hippie, but you’re not very good at it. Just putting that out there. You eat granola and wear Toms, but you think the Kyoto Protocol has something to do with changing the oil in your Hyundai. You have intentions of converting your house to solar power, but everyone knows that won’t happen. You’re also nosy and get all up in everyone’s business. You have no business flirting with your friend Mr. Cauliflower. You think Broccoflower babies are gorgeous, but no. They’re just weird freaks of nature. Stop pretending you’re normal and stable when you’re not.

Tomato
Oh my friend. When will you learn that you don’t belong here. You’re confused, and that’s ok. You don’t know where you fit. People assume you fit in one category, but you don’t. When they try and put you in another category, you stand out. You’re confused, but that’s ok, it’s not your fault. You’re probably going to have to give up on finding your true identity and let people walk all over you. Only then will you truly be awesome. Let others use you to showcase themselves. It’s better that way.

 

What do you think of my analysis? What is your favourite vegetable?

What Your Eggs Say About You

You can tell a lot about a person by how they eat their eggs.
At least that’s what someone said once. I think. I’m going to say that’s definitely a thing and now make up a bunch of junk based solely on that premise. I know it’s Friday, and on Fridays I post funny things that kids say, but I worked a total of 3.5 days this entire month. I’m in the middle of a Field Note drought that hopefully doesn’t continue for another month. So because of the drought, you get garbage like this instead.

I’m so sorry. So very sorry.

What Your Eggs Say About You
A completely inaccurate analysis

Scrambled
Despite what the name suggests, you are very particular. You like things ‘just so’, and prefer not to make a mess. You have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that is often misinterpreted as snooty. You’re not snooty. You just like order and perfection. And your eggs scrambled.

Over Hard
You are a no-nonsense individual who likes to get things done. Problems with you are fairly cut and dry. You see the world in black and white and can make wise decisions easily and quickly. You’re probably someone’s boss, a CEO, or will be one someday. You work hard and expect your eggs to do the same.

Over Easy
You’re relaxed and laid back. You don’t like to put up a fuss or cause any harm. You’re just chill, man. You’re a natural leader, in that everyone wants to be your friend, but you’re not really sure why. You naturally draw people to yourself because you’re down to earth and normal. You’re over easy, man.

Hard Boiled
You’re a laugh a minute. You’re versatile and flexible. You are the life of the party and you seem to be friends with everyone. You are sometimes obnoxious and people don’t always warm up to you. Maybe it’s because you smell a little bit. Once people grow to love you and your outgoing nature, they look past the smell, I promise.

Sunny Side Up
You are a people person with bright, effervescent personality. You smile constantly and really like to play board games, but only if everyone can win. People really love you, but sometimes you are a little too peppy. You’re probably a kindergarten teacher. Or maybe a ballerina. Either way, you’re sunny even on a rainy day. That was cheesy. I’m really sorry.

Poached
You are extremely high maintenance, rude, difficult to please, particular, demanding and no one actually likes you.

Soft Boiled
You’re a delicate pansy. You can’t do anything for too long because it’s too strenuous. You’re the person at the beach who wears 70 SPF sunscreen and sits in the shade and still gets burnt. It takes lots of patience to get to know you and appreciate you and your soft boiled heart. I mean egg. I mean. I don’t….uh.

Eggs Benedict
You are not gluten free. Why are eggs covered in sauce? Make this stop, please. I’m really hungry. How come bacon isn’t on this list? No one actually eats these types of eggs. At least I’ve never heard of anyone eating these. Maybe they’re reserved for hipsters. I just compared eggs to hipsters. I need a life. Or maybe just a job. I….need to move on.

Bacon
You are perfect in every way.

How do you like your eggs, my dear Internets?