An Honest Letter

You’ve been gone for awhile now, and I really miss you.

Things just aren’t the same without you here. I can’t eat, I’m not sleeping well, and I’m going through box after box of Kleenex. It’s really starting to take a toll on me. My apartment doesn’t get cleaned. Things are an embarrassing mess. My mother had to come over with meals and to do my laundry. I can’t function on my own anymore. I’m at the end of my rope. All I do all day is sit on the couch and stare, wishing you’d come back to me.

I went to see someone the other day. I’ve been avoiding it because I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I couldn’t take it any longer. I haven’t been dealing with your loss very well. You’ve been gone since October. I just needed help.

He listened to my heart. For a long time. I could barely choke out the words, but he was really concerned for my well being. He told me that I needed to take some time off for myself, because being around other people wasn’t going to make the situation better. He said it might even make it worse. So here I am at the end of my leave of absence, and you’re still not back.

I’m dizzy, I’m weak, and I’m sad without you. Tomorrow is a new day. I will go to bed early, in hopes that having a good night’s rest behind me will give me strength to face the day. It was supposed to be you and me forever, fighting whatever came our way. But you’ve betrayed me. You’re nowhere in sight, and you never call.

Last week I was in a play and I was really hoping to see you there, cheering me on. It was difficult without you. You give me so much energy and life! I was sad and tired by myself. Even the rest of the cast noticed that I wasn’t doing well. They were concerned. They would have loved to meet you. To see what we were like together. I told them all about you and it made me smile. Those were the days. Just you and me.

But those days are over. I’m hoping not forever. I mean, October is a long time, but you can’t stay away forever. As much as you don’t want to admit it, you need me too. You need me to make you what you want to be. I just know it.

This is a letter. I’m not begging. You have to have energy to beg. This is me pleading. Come back to me. I’ll leave the window open so you can sneak in. You don’t even have to wake me. Just be there in the morning when I wake up.

Please, Immune System. I love you. I need you. Come back.


10 thoughts on “An Honest Letter

  1. I feel your pain, I am suffering the same loss as you right now. Had to cancel a weekend in the states, 2 christmas parties and a visit with my sister in law that I only see 3 times a year.
    My husband said it best when i was curled up in a ball of comforters in bed. He said I looked like a burrito of sadness.

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