Twenty Weird Things

I moved in to my own apartment in August. It’s taken a couple of months to adjust, but I feel like I’m finally getting into the swing of things. I’m also finding that there is a lot of odd things about this place. Here is a list.

1. There are apparently 141 apartments in this place, but you rarely see anyone in the building. The only people I ever run in to have dogs or walkers.

2. My bathroom often smells like cigarette smoke. It’s in the interior of the apartment and it has no window. HOW? I am still figuring it out.

3. When I turn on my oven, the one back burner heats up enough to heat a pot of water.

4. The only time I can hear my neighbour is when he sneezes.

5. I’ve only ever seen that same neighbour in workout clothes. Thus, he has been named Sweaty Asian Guy.

6. The lady across the hall has the word “NO” taped over the lock on her door.

7. For two nearly two months, there has been a spot where the couch should be. This hole will be filled Friday (finally).

8. Sometimes when you push the 1 in the elevator, it takes you up to the 6th floor.

9. There is a couple in an apartment adjacent to me (unsure if it’s up, down or beside) who likes to play the bagpipes at 6:30am on Sunday mornings.

10. There was a half eaten grilled cheese sandwich in the stairwell for a couple of weeks.

11. There is a car dealership beside the building. I can hear the phone ring, and people getting paged over their loudspeaker.

12. There is a parrot below me that is hilarious. More on him later.

13. A man with a mustache holds my Q-Tips. His name is Clancy.

14. People never seem to take off their shoes when they come in. I think it’s because I have office carpet.

15. There is a new wretched smell in the lobby every day. Today it was poo. Unmistakeably.

16. The right elevator is faster than the left elevator, but it takes longer for the right elevator’s door to open.

17. I don’t get any mail other than pizza flyers and bills.

18. I can see a Tim Horton’s from my window. I can also see my Dad’s store from the window.

19. Someone named Long Pu lives on the 5th floor.

20. I live here on my own, and that in itself is weird. Being an adult is odd.

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14 thoughts on “Twenty Weird Things

  1. Being an adult is odd. I’ve come to find that with great responsibility comes even more, and greater, responsibility.

    My wife and I have been married nearly 22 years, and just last night she remarked that we saw each other more when we were dating. But when we were dating we both still lived in our parents’ homes. We try to have date nights to rectify this, but sometimes date nights become date breakfasts–because we’re so tired at night!

    Yep, being an adult is odd–and tiring. Pass the coffee!

  2. 1) Is Long Pu related to Cook Pu from HIMYM? “….here!”

    2) Is taking off your shoes when you come in the house a Canadian tradition? My family always did that but most of my friends don’t (I had to have a serious talk with my husband about it). So perhaps it is Canadian and my life makes much more sense now.

    • I thought taking off your shoes was normal, but apparently it’s just Canadian. Just think about it if we didn’t take our shoes off in the winter. Disastrous. The only people I know who keep their shoes on inside here are gross boys in university.

    • The Japanese are also known to take their shoes off at the entryway. I’m an American, and I do it, too. It’s cleaner, and you can get nice and cozy right away!

      Of course, if you need to run from the house at a moment’s notice (e.g. you’re a spy/drug dealer/bad parent) you’re going to lose some crucial seconds. Something to consider.

  3. 1) Is “holding q-tips” a euphemism, or is there literally a guy holding a package of q-tips with your name on them? (I picture him with a mustache and bowler hat for some reason.)
    2) I just laughed at Long Pu for thirty minutes. Still giggling.
    3) You can’t just casually mention a hilarious parrot and move on. It’s borderline immoral. That has to be the next blog post. Like, tomorrow.

  4. #20. Yes.
    I never see anyone–except people picking up their dog’s poo outside. Also, there has been an Avenger parked in front of my building since the day I moved in—I swear it’s never moved. My boyfriend insists that the owner must just have the opposite schedule of me. False. Something is going on…

    finally: bagpipes?!

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