Now that I live alone, I find myself doing odd things. I did odd things before, but they’re just odder now that I live alone. Or maybe they’re not actually odder, I just have more time to think about whether or not the things I do are odd. I don’t know. Should I be saying “more odd” as opposed to “odder”? I don’t know this either. I need a dog.
I spent the day alone in my apartment. This seems to be the norm as of late as I prepare for a busy school year ahead of me. The problem with this is that I spend a lot of time deep in my head, and when I do interact (namely on Twitter or via text message) people I message get some weird crap that makes perfect sense to me because I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, but leaves the receiver of said message completely at a loss.
Texts or tweets I’ve sent today:
“I want pancakes and I have the mix but no oil or syrup. I’d have to shower which defeats the purpose of lazy pancakes. I know too many of the bag boys. I’d have to eat something before I leave so I don’t pass out and then I wouldn’t be hungry for pancakes anyway. I am going to make eggs.”
“I didn’t get any birthday presents this year.”
“I need to stop listening to Alicia Keys.”
“The amount of junk that came off of my bathroom and closet doors actually makes me want to vomit.”
“Kevin Bacon hahahahahahahah”
“SOOOOO jealous that you got to go to Leamington without me! Lolz. Totes JK. Like, ROFLCOPTER, right?!?”
I’m starting to think that the phrase “I live alone” can get me out of a lot of future awkwardness. When I overreact and it’s embarrassing: “I live alone”. When I accost someone with a deep personal question: “I live alone”. When someone catches me talking to myself: “I live alone”. When someone asks why I’m talking like a small southern child: “I live alone”. When I write comments on Facebook just to be a jerk: “I live alone”. When I talk about the parrot who lives below me like he’s my best friend: “I live alone”.
Guys. I’m on to something here. What else can I start to blame on living alone? Help me milk this for all it’s worth.