I’m Still Alive

The past two months have seen huge changes in my life. There are so many changes that I’m having trouble comprehending them all. I have not one, but TWO semi-permanent teaching jobs for this upcoming school year. I was able to spend a ton time with a tall, bearded gentleman from the south. Not even Skype time, REAL LIFE TIME, GUYS. I moved out of my parents’ house. I’m sitting at my very own desk in my very own apartment as I type this. My life this September looks astoundingly different than it did last September. All the things I’ve been hoping and praying for the past few years have happened. All at once. Very quickly. It’s very exciting, yet overwhelming and terrifying if I think about it too much.

My first night in my apartment wasn’t dramatic. I unpacked some things. I listened to music. I went to bed. It was a rather eerie experience to be sleeping in a strange place, but with all of your own things surrounding you. Everything is falling in to place, just as I asked, but it’s not perfect, because it is still life.

While holding a stack of dishes, I tripped over the vacuum cleaner and came crashing down on my knee. Three plates didn’t make it (moment of silence). It was a little painful, but I am alive. The other day in Lowe’s, I hit my head on a shelf. That hurt too, but I am alive. I smacked my head on the wall earlier today but I’m still alive. I bumped my head on the window when we were hanging blinds. Still alive. I accidentally turned on the shower when I was fully clothed. That was a little wet, but I’m still alive. I tripped down a stair at my brother’s place and twisted my ankle. More pain, still alive. Yesterday morning I tripped (not slipped…tripped) in the shower and brought the curtain rod down with me. That one still hurts, but guess what? I’m still alive!

This apartment is turning me into an ungraceful klutz, but it’s also making me very aware of the goodness of God.

Everything is good, everything is going as planned, my prayers have been answered, but I’m still going to fall in the shower every now and again. It’ll hurt, but I’ll still be alive.

I think it’s easy to ask God for something over and over, and when you get it, totally forget He’s the one who gave it to you. Or you might think that everything is supposed to be perfect from now on because it’s what you’ve been dreaming about. This past Sunday, I was reminded that every good thing comes from God. EVERY good thing. Sure I may work hard to get there, but if I do well, it’s only because He has given me the skills and talents to do so. My success is a direct result of His grace, but I rarely remember that. My failure or stumbles aren’t because God isn’t good. It is because life isn’t perfect. I’m not perfect. Blessings overflow, but life ain’t easy.

If I go about my day forgetting that He is the only reason I get to do all of these tough, challenging things, I fall down. I trip. I smack my head on things. It’s painful, and unpleasant, but I’ll still be alive. I’m overwhelmed with His goodness, and sometimes (okay, all of the time) I don’t think I can handle everything He’s put on my plate. This year will be a struggle. It will be painful. It will be tough. I know that I’ll smack my head on a few things, or I’ll trip and skin my knee even though I’ve been given all that I have asked for. My life is full of good things from God, but I know I will still fall in the shower.

But I will still be alive.

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7 thoughts on “I’m Still Alive

  1. sometimes I feel like we live parallel lives. this was great–as I too am beginning my first teaching job, just moved into my own “big girl” apartment, and have been spending time with my own (non)bearded gentleman. Kinda been freaking out about all the wonderful blessings in my life and overwhelmed by what comes with them.

    Thanks for this :)

  2. I’m so very glad to see that you are still alive! Here’s hoping that the blessings continue to grow and the stumbles, tumbles and dampening of clothing lessen.

    Stay excited Mandie Marie, I’m sure that there is plenty more goodness in store for you. :)

  3. This is an excellent post, Amanda!

    Your comment that the apartment is turning you into a klutz might well be right on the mark, too. I hadn’t really thought about it, but pondering past moves leaves me remembering stumbling into and over things at each new home. I think the body begins to learn to autopilot the dimensions of our home so that it’s not so much paying attention where the wall is as KNOWING where the wall is, and then has to relearn when moved into new surroundings. FYI, I’m totally blaming you if I spend all morning thinking about brain function and memory instead of work.

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