On Fridays when I don’t have any Field Notes to post, I’ve started to post these odd personality assessments based on food. I don’t understand it, but you people seem to love it.
This next one goes out to my dear friend Joanna. Jo and I went to the same elementary school, high school and university, yet we met and got to know each other 3 hours north from home at our cottages. We both spent a bunch of summers working at a family campground. We worked in the camp store together. We worked in the restaurant together. We sometimes went on golf cart rides around the camp together. We also ran Family Bingo together two nights a week, but that’s an entirely separate (and glorious) story. But the thing Joanna and I got really good at when we worked together?
Predicting ice cream flavours. We had it down to a science. As soon as someone came in the store, we could tell if they were jonesin’ for some ‘scream. We knew, based on personality and age group, what kind of ice cream they would choose. We were rarely wrong. I guess you could say this is how I first became aware of my uncanny ability to match people to food.
I will now pass this gift to you, my dear internets.
What Your Ice Cream Says About You
A slightly more accurate than normal analysis
This is the ice cream that brings people together. It’s the wildcard. Everyone enjoys a nice cookie dough ice cream every now and again. I can’t describe this one effectively because a lot of people really enjoy cookie dough ice cream. If Joanna and I ever made a false ice cream prediction, it usually involved cookie dough. Everyone just really loves it. Which means it’s the most relaxed and easy going of flavours. Your backup flavours are Mint Chocolate Chip or just plain Chocolate.
Some people call you plain, but those who are close to you know that you’re a classic. You’re a low maintenance, behind the scenes kind of person. You would rather give a donation anonymously and never be acknowledged than have any attention drawn to that. You’re quiet, and you’re ok with that. You are either a child under the age of four, or an elderly woman who is wise with age.
Mint Chocolate Chip
This is the teenage girl of all ice creams. You don’t just love things, you LOVE things. Emphatically. You often walk right up to an ice cream counter and without even looking at other flavours, order mint chocolate chip. How does this play into personality? You talk a lot. You have lots of friends. You are a social butterfly. If this ice cream was a popular TV show character, it would be Schmidt from New Girl. Sometimes a little powerful. Sometimes a little too much of the same. But you can’t help but love him. Like, LOVE it. If you order mint chocolate chip ice cream, you are likely a woman between the ages of 15 and 45, or a male in his later teens. Your backup flavours (heaven forbid there be no mint choco chip!) are cookie dough and fruity.
You are a middle aged woman, probably somewhere in the middle of menopause. You like to think you’re healthy, but then again, you’re still eating ice cream. You have a very nurturing and mothering personality, and everyone likes you. You’re super fun and awesome and bubbly, and you are, but in a sweet, “aw, she’s so cute!” kind of way. Everyone needs someone like you in their life to take care of them and to be their cheerleader. Your backup flavour is Vanilla or Mint Chocolate Chip.
Cotton Candy/Bubble Gum
You have endless energy, and see no problem with eating candy for breakfast. In fact, out of anyone on this list, you would be most likely to order ice cream first thing in the morning. You don’t pay much attention to rules or social norms, but you are really fun. You were the kid in high school that sat in the front row of class and cracked jokes, yet never really got into trouble. If you order Cotton Candy, Bubblegum, or some other fluorescent flavour, you are either a small child or an adult who will never grow up. Your backup flavour is Chocolate with more Chocolate.
Pralines and Cream/Butterscotch Ripple/Maple Walnut/Butter Pecan
You are nostalgic. You long for days gone by. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a very pleasant and you love watching the world grow in front of you, but you remember the good old days. You have lots of wrinkles from laughing and from staying out in the sun too long. You have fond childhood memories of running around the yard barefoot. You remember what life was like before the internet. Basically what I’m trying to say is that you’re old. You choose these flavours because they were the only ones around when you were a kid. You don’t have a backup flavour. If you can’t have something on this list, you don’t bother trying it because it will only lead to disappointment.
Chocolate with more Chocolate
You love life and you live it to the fullest. You are either a take charge kind of woman, or a grown man with way too much energy. You’re spunky, the life of the party, and you sometimes take off your pants in public. That’s ok though, people still love you. You usually have a huge smile plastered on your face, which makes you a joy to be around. Your backup flavours are Cotton Candy or Cookie Dough.
You are a terrifying old woman with a cane who likes to yell if the girls behind the counter do not have black cherry readily available. You emotionally scar people, but you make for great monologues that help people get parts in plays. So. Thanks for that, at least.
What’s your favo[u]rite flavo[u]r? Is my analysis accurate?