What Your Vegetables Say About You

Do you remember that time I didn’t post Field Notes, but instead analyzed personalities based on egg preferences? I was going to apologize for that, but you people loved it and requested more of the same. That’s weird, guys. But I listen to my people. Here is some more stuff I just made up. I can already tell you this is going to get a little weird.

What Your Vegetables Say About You
A completely inaccurate analysis

You’re dependable. You’re straightforward, have a no nonsense attitude, and people appreciate you for that. No, you’re not exciting and you won’t spice anything up, but you’re classic. You make a great partner. You can hold a steady job. You are the kind of person that entered the working world at the bottom of the ladder and slowly and surely have climbed your way to the top. You’re predictable, and you’ll always be around, and your friends and family are thankful for that.

For the most part, you are misunderstood. At first glance, you’re not that appealing. Your personality can fall a little flat and bland. People stay with you because they know you’re a good influence, but they don’t necessarily love having just you around. You’re good at being a buffer between strong personalities. You keep everything together, you add a little to the group dynamic, but on your own? You’re ok. Make sure you surround yourself with people that will bring out the best in you.

You are the definition of a good friend. You are very sweet. Your bright, sunshiney personality is pleasant and welcoming. You’re versitile and can fit in under almost any circumstance. You’re friends with everyone it seems, and you can brighten almost any day. You are loyal and will stay with your friends until the very end. They’ll always remember the time they spent with you.

You’re the guy that everyone wants to be. In elementary school and high school, you were the star of every team. You had the highest marks in class. But when you got to post-secondary education? Totally different story. When you’re compared to others, you’re just not that exciting anymore. You’re past your prime. You look nice, but you’ve got no character or inner strength. People will still hang out with you on weekends, but they’ll forget why you were their idol in the past.

People really like you, but no one is really sure why. You think you are really great. You really add to a discussion, you get along well with others. For the most part, you are great. Then all of a sudden, you have to drop that one weird comment in there that trumps all of your previous greatness. Maybe no one notices at first, but later that night when they’re in bed thinking about their night, they’ll think of you, and that one strange comment you made. Their opinion of you will drastically change. They’ll be disgusted. But do you know what? Somehow they’ll forget about it totally and you’ll get invited to stuff again. You’ll probably make some dumb comment that will silently horrify your hosts, but you can always win them back.

Brussel Sprouts
You’re that one kid in elementary school that wanted to be a robotics engineer when everyone else wanted to be hockey players and ballerinas. Few people will understand you, and will classify you as simply a “nerd”, but you know that you are so much more than that. Your personality is intricate, it is complicated, and only a select number of people will take the time and realiz what you are truly all about. Then once they do, they’ll realize you’re just a baby version of someone else they know.

You’re a hippie, but you’re not very good at it. Just putting that out there. You eat granola and wear Toms, but you think the Kyoto Protocol has something to do with changing the oil in your Hyundai. You have intentions of converting your house to solar power, but everyone knows that won’t happen. You’re also nosy and get all up in everyone’s business. You have no business flirting with your friend Mr. Cauliflower. You think Broccoflower babies are gorgeous, but no. They’re just weird freaks of nature. Stop pretending you’re normal and stable when you’re not.

Oh my friend. When will you learn that you don’t belong here. You’re confused, and that’s ok. You don’t know where you fit. People assume you fit in one category, but you don’t. When they try and put you in another category, you stand out. You’re confused, but that’s ok, it’s not your fault. You’re probably going to have to give up on finding your true identity and let people walk all over you. Only then will you truly be awesome. Let others use you to showcase themselves. It’s better that way.


What do you think of my analysis? What is your favourite vegetable?


17 thoughts on “What Your Vegetables Say About You

  1. You warned me it was coming- and it still blew me away.

    I’m going with lettuce. You had me at “Your personality can fall a little flat and bland.” Nailed it. JK (or AM I?)

    Yes, keep these posts coming. You seem to have your mind wrapped well around how food resembles people, or vice versa.

  2. There’s no mention of greens here. Tell Joseph Craven he needs to widen your Southern food education. Turnip greens, collard greens, mustard greens….essential part of a Southern diet.

    Also green beans, because it’s not a church social without seventeen varieties of green bean casserole, 100 pounds of fried chicken, thirteen kinds of potato salad, and 23 pies.

  3. Tomato can’t help it, it was born that way. Brussel Sprouts, by this description, seem strangely Unabomber-esque.
    Asparagus, what can we say? We tolerate you but are relieved when you’re out of our system.

    Good job. Keep em coming.

  4. Yay – Me and my carrots and my orange feet! Haha You are actually mostly accurate, except for the exciting part. ;) I hope I spice things up just a little bit…<3

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