Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.
Enjoy. I certainly do.
Me: How do you behave when you’re outside at recess? How are some ways we can be kind and safe on the playground?”
J: YOU BE GOOD.
(singing the Aiken Drum song)
N: Hey! My Aiken Drum looks the same as the Aiken Drum in the soooooong!
Mrs. Short Natalie: Is that a new shirt?
N: Yeah, it used to be my brother’s, but now it got a lot smaller, so I can wear it.
(Read the title of this post again and let it sink in. It’s brilliant.)
During my usual “Tell me your name, and something awesome” routine.
E: My name is E, and my favourite mode of transportation is mine carts!
A: My name is A, and I was born in America.
Me: Oh yeah? Where?
Me: But where in America?
A: The United States!
Me: Yes I know, but what state?
A: AMERICA. Like, the United STATES.
Girl in big poofy gold princess dress and plastic high heeled “glass slippers”: You need to draw a drawbridge on that for it to be a real castle.
Kid wearing noise cancelling headphones, making fart noises with his hands and yelling: I CAN’T EVEN HEAR IT WHEN I DO THIS!
After gym class.
A: MAN. I need a SODA.
(especially great because we don’t say soda in Canada)
A: Do you think if we said Abracadabra, the teacher would disappear?
J: Let me try. (Waves an invisible wand at me and says the magic word)
A: Nope. You can’t even do that trick.
J: I have to practice my magic.
(Normally I don’t take things personally, but I have to admit that this one stung a little)
Almost word-for-word transcript of a story one of them wrote:
“One time a monkey got mad and robbed a bank with a banana. The cops came the cops ate the banana. The monkey punched the cops and the cops got knocked out. The cops were in the hospital for 100 weeks. The monkey went to jail. The cop’s lawyer came and sued the monkey. The end.”
Ladies and gentlemen, the next John Grisham!
Overheard in the grade one hallway:
K: Do you like my pants? They’re teenager pants!
In gym class, to start a dodge ball-type game, I always make kids crawl on their tummies like seals to get the balls. It’s harder work than just running, plus it’s hilarious to watch. The kids love it. Today, though?
E (sobbing): I…don’t want….to….craaaawl like a SEEEEEAL! I don’t…..like….crawling like a SEEEEEAL!”
I’ve officially scarred a child for life. I’m so sorry.
Have a good weekend. Maybe wear some teenager pants.
I’m going to Mississippi this weekend, but my blog will be up and running all next week. Check back Monday, Wednesday and Friday for delightful ridiculousness!