Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.
Enjoy. I certainly do.
I just returned from Mexico on Monday evening, so work was a little sparse this week. Still a few good ones.
Y: Are you our teacher today?
Me: Yes I am!
Y: OH GOOD. I love new teachers.
First thing in the morning, little buddy is crying and hands me a pair of mittens on strings that are tangled.
Me: Oh dear! Why are you crying?
K: My mi…ttins….are…..TAaaaaaangled!
I untangle the mittens, hand them back to him. He stops crying immediately and walks away.
Later that morning…
Me: Oh K, why are you crying?
K: I…for…got my book at….Hoooooome!
Me: That’s ok. I’m not mad. You don’t have to cry.
K: (stops crying immediately)
Me (to student teacher): Every single day, I get told I’m short.
Student teacher: Really? Every day.
2 minutes later…
D: Hey guys, I’m taller than the teacher! I’m taller than the supply teacher!
Student teacher: Aaaaand there it is.
Me: You’re not actually taller than me, though. Almost.
N: Nope. But I am.
Me (looking up at the 8 year old girl towering over me): Yes. Yes you are.
A: Where is Mrs. M?
Student teacher: She’s sick.
A: She’s been INVADED!
J (reading…looks up as I walk by): Oh man! I just looked up and was like, did we get a new student that’s like 5 foot 2?
Me (in my head): THAT WAS FREAKISHLY ACCURATE.
During a game of dodgeball.
Student teacher: Watch E. He just stands right at the line in the very middle of the gym and doesn’t move. No one even tries to get him out. He’s usually one of the last ones standing.
During a Writer’s Workshop.
J: We’re allowed to write about guns, as long as they shoot lasers. Our teacher Mrs. M lets us.
Student teacher: Well C wrote about guns that shoot blades. Would Mrs. M let you write about that?
C: They’re foam! Foam blades!
Me: Nice save.
M: (farts, loudly, during a lesson)
D: WHOA, DUDE. You better check your pants. That one was WET.
After a girl shared a story about a teacher getting abducted by aliens.
N: Can I make a suggestion? You don’t have to listen to it really. But your story sounded a lot like the “My Teacher is an Alien” book that we just read. Now this is just a recommendation, but if I were you, I’d take out the parts about your teacher and the alien, because it’s just like the book and – SPOILER ALERT! – you don’t want to ruin the book.
Have a good weekend. Don’t get invaded or abducted or anything.
And if you’re interested, yes I did laugh when he farted. It was funny, ok?