Friday Field Notes: Three Genders

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

And I’m back! I worked more this week than I did the entire month of January. I am a happy girl. The kids weren’t especially weird this week, but there is still some good stuff.

Kindergarten

H: AWKWARD SHARK!

H: AWKWARD EYE!

H: AWKWARD TOWER!

H: AWKWARD SINK!

(Everything was awkward. All morning. ALL morning.)

K: Can you write this for me?
Me: No, but I can do dots, and you can trace over them to make the letters.
K (very distraught): Oh…but I’m just a little boy!

(This little one used to be in my preschool class and would say, “Mommy and Daddy are BEST FRIENDS!” at least sixteen times a day. She’s growing up and isn’t as annoying)

G: I have three teeth on the loose!

Grade 2

J: Noses are in schools!

J: R is being a jerk for me. Say something to her.

J (singing): Banaananananana! Noses! Noses are in schools!

Me: Oh! Someone didn’t rewind this tape.
R: That person is VICIOUS.

Things I heard screamed during a game of dodgeball in Grade 5/6:

E: Watch out for the BOUNTY HUNTER!

E: SAVE MY SOUL!

A (after hitting someone with a ball): What’s in YOUR wallet?

(I think I’m going to start using that as a regular retort)

Grade 6 girl: There are three genders: boys, girls and grade fives.

I’m OJ Simpson! I get to drink all the OJ!

(I think this was directed at me in passing, because after someone said it, a bunch of kids stared at me with gaping mouths)

You look like someone who is being pwned by someone who is half as short as you.

Kid’s Dad: Now, what do you have to say to your teachers?
O: Sorry for not listening and…
Dad: Being lippy.
O: LIPPY ISN’T EVEN A WORD.
Dad: Sigh.
O: Sorry for being LIPPY.
Dad: Ok. It’s the weekend. Let’s go.

Have a good weekend, my people.
Go drink all the OJ before Mr. Simpson gets to it.

 

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7 thoughts on “Friday Field Notes: Three Genders

  1. Kids do indeed say the “darnedest” things. I have two…

    Recent dialogue with 13yo wonderboy (my son):

    Me: I hate it when no one listens to me.

    W.B.: You must hate yourself then…
    ———-

    You see what I put up with?

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