Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.
Enjoy. I certainly do.
And I’m back! I worked more this week than I did the entire month of January. I am a happy girl. The kids weren’t especially weird this week, but there is still some good stuff.
H: AWKWARD SHARK!
H: AWKWARD EYE!
H: AWKWARD TOWER!
H: AWKWARD SINK!
(Everything was awkward. All morning. ALL morning.)
K: Can you write this for me?
Me: No, but I can do dots, and you can trace over them to make the letters.
K (very distraught): Oh…but I’m just a little boy!
(This little one used to be in my preschool class and would say, “Mommy and Daddy are BEST FRIENDS!” at least sixteen times a day. She’s growing up and isn’t as annoying)
G: I have three teeth on the loose!
J: Noses are in schools!
J: R is being a jerk for me. Say something to her.
J (singing): Banaananananana! Noses! Noses are in schools!
Me: Oh! Someone didn’t rewind this tape.
R: That person is VICIOUS.
Things I heard screamed during a game of dodgeball in Grade 5/6:
E: Watch out for the BOUNTY HUNTER!
E: SAVE MY SOUL!
A (after hitting someone with a ball): What’s in YOUR wallet?
(I think I’m going to start using that as a regular retort)
Grade 6 girl: There are three genders: boys, girls and grade fives.
I’m OJ Simpson! I get to drink all the OJ!
(I think this was directed at me in passing, because after someone said it, a bunch of kids stared at me with gaping mouths)
You look like someone who is being pwned by someone who is half as short as you.
Kid’s Dad: Now, what do you have to say to your teachers?
O: Sorry for not listening and…
Dad: Being lippy.
O: LIPPY ISN’T EVEN A WORD.
O: Sorry for being LIPPY.
Dad: Ok. It’s the weekend. Let’s go.
Have a good weekend, my people.
Go drink all the OJ before Mr. Simpson gets to it.