What Your Eggs Say About You

You can tell a lot about a person by how they eat their eggs.
At least that’s what someone said once. I think. I’m going to say that’s definitely a thing and now make up a bunch of junk based solely on that premise. I know it’s Friday, and on Fridays I post funny things that kids say, but I worked a total of 3.5 days this entire month. I’m in the middle of a Field Note drought that hopefully doesn’t continue for another month. So because of the drought, you get garbage like this instead.

I’m so sorry. So very sorry.

What Your Eggs Say About You
A completely inaccurate analysis

Despite what the name suggests, you are very particular. You like things ‘just so’, and prefer not to make a mess. You have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that is often misinterpreted as snooty. You’re not snooty. You just like order and perfection. And your eggs scrambled.

Over Hard
You are a no-nonsense individual who likes to get things done. Problems with you are fairly cut and dry. You see the world in black and white and can make wise decisions easily and quickly. You’re probably someone’s boss, a CEO, or will be one someday. You work hard and expect your eggs to do the same.

Over Easy
You’re relaxed and laid back. You don’t like to put up a fuss or cause any harm. You’re just chill, man. You’re a natural leader, in that everyone wants to be your friend, but you’re not really sure why. You naturally draw people to yourself because you’re down to earth and normal. You’re over easy, man.

Hard Boiled
You’re a laugh a minute. You’re versatile and flexible. You are the life of the party and you seem to be friends with everyone. You are sometimes obnoxious and people don’t always warm up to you. Maybe it’s because you smell a little bit. Once people grow to love you and your outgoing nature, they look past the smell, I promise.

Sunny Side Up
You are a people person with bright, effervescent personality. You smile constantly and really like to play board games, but only if everyone can win. People really love you, but sometimes you are a little too peppy. You’re probably a kindergarten teacher. Or maybe a ballerina. Either way, you’re sunny even on a rainy day. That was cheesy. I’m really sorry.

You are extremely high maintenance, rude, difficult to please, particular, demanding and no one actually likes you.

Soft Boiled
You’re a delicate pansy. You can’t do anything for too long because it’s too strenuous. You’re the person at the beach who wears 70 SPF sunscreen and sits in the shade and still gets burnt. It takes lots of patience to get to know you and appreciate you and your soft boiled heart. I mean egg. I mean. I don’t….uh.

Eggs Benedict
You are not gluten free. Why are eggs covered in sauce? Make this stop, please. I’m really hungry. How come bacon isn’t on this list? No one actually eats these types of eggs. At least I’ve never heard of anyone eating these. Maybe they’re reserved for hipsters. I just compared eggs to hipsters. I need a life. Or maybe just a job. I….need to move on.

You are perfect in every way.

How do you like your eggs, my dear Internets?


47 thoughts on “What Your Eggs Say About You

  1. #1 How did you know I like scrambled eggs? Hm? ;-)

    #2 What about “thousand year-old” eggs? Or for that matter, Balut? <–If one eats either of those, one is cultured, shops at the local Asian market… Or watches entirely too much Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on the Discovery Channel, and someone dared them to. They did it, and followed it with a generous helping of Durian.

  2. Im somewhat of a breakfast aficionado. Here is my perfect meal. Bacon, extra crispy. Reserve the bacon fat to use for frying two eggs, sunny side up, then reserve AGAIN to fry day-old rice. Chase with stuffed French toast.

    GOSH. I’m hungry. And/or a fatty.

  3. Deviled eggs are also not on this list. Do they have those in Canada? They might be a Southern thing. I recently learned there was such a thing as a fried deviled egg, and my life will not be complete until I try them.

    For breakfast, however, I generally do go with scrambled eggs with shredded cheese sprinkled in so it melts into the egg as you stir. Lately, with corned beef hash. Or bacon. And/or grits.

  4. I (respectfully) disagree almost entirely with your analysis.
    This may be, however, because I’m terrible at frying eggs, and always have been. Therefore, I see every fried-egg version as the highest maintenance, A-type personality.
    Over-Easy is exactly the opposite, and the most laid back of personalities are the ones who can just stir it all into a big delicious mess, while making coffee, and texting.

      • I worked in a breakfast restaurant for years. I’m much better than I once was, but still, a lot of concentration has to go into them.

        I’d also add: Raw Eggs.
        You’re either an eco-health-nut, or a jogger-meets-bench-presser who thinks you’re impressing everyone. You’re not.

  5. What does it mean if you make eggs, accidentally get shell in the mix, and decide to leave it, because it’d be too much trouble to get out?

    also, do the shells stay inside your stomach with the bubble gum?

  6. I’m bits and pieces of both scrambled and over easy, which is cool because I’ll eat either one. I’m also decidedly NOT other bits and pieces of scrambled and over easy, which is cool because I don’t eat them very often.

    In other words: this post is perfect.

  7. I’m all about the ‘bird’s nest.’ you fry an egg (I prefer over medium) inside a piece of bread that you have cut a circle out of using a glass. Voila- you’ve got eggs that don’t run all over the place and toast to mop up the yolk. It’s fantastic.

    Also, I loved your analysis and have lots of egg shell in my stomach.

  8. I like them all, scrambled, poached, sunny, omelette, quiche, soft and hard boiled, deviled and lots of others, and lots of them, a lot.—oh dear me!

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  10. Pingback: Sunday Specials: Overeasy or Sunny Side Up? | Norman's Blog

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