You can tell a lot about a person by how they eat their eggs.
At least that’s what someone said once. I think. I’m going to say that’s definitely a thing and now make up a bunch of junk based solely on that premise. I know it’s Friday, and on Fridays I post funny things that kids say, but I worked a total of 3.5 days this entire month. I’m in the middle of a Field Note drought that hopefully doesn’t continue for another month. So because of the drought, you get garbage like this instead.
I’m so sorry. So very sorry.
What Your Eggs Say About You
A completely inaccurate analysis
Despite what the name suggests, you are very particular. You like things ‘just so’, and prefer not to make a mess. You have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that is often misinterpreted as snooty. You’re not snooty. You just like order and perfection. And your eggs scrambled.
You are a no-nonsense individual who likes to get things done. Problems with you are fairly cut and dry. You see the world in black and white and can make wise decisions easily and quickly. You’re probably someone’s boss, a CEO, or will be one someday. You work hard and expect your eggs to do the same.
You’re relaxed and laid back. You don’t like to put up a fuss or cause any harm. You’re just chill, man. You’re a natural leader, in that everyone wants to be your friend, but you’re not really sure why. You naturally draw people to yourself because you’re down to earth and normal. You’re over easy, man.
You’re a laugh a minute. You’re versatile and flexible. You are the life of the party and you seem to be friends with everyone. You are sometimes obnoxious and people don’t always warm up to you. Maybe it’s because you smell a little bit. Once people grow to love you and your outgoing nature, they look past the smell, I promise.
Sunny Side Up
You are a people person with bright, effervescent personality. You smile constantly and really like to play board games, but only if everyone can win. People really love you, but sometimes you are a little too peppy. You’re probably a kindergarten teacher. Or maybe a ballerina. Either way, you’re sunny even on a rainy day. That was cheesy. I’m really sorry.
You are extremely high maintenance, rude, difficult to please, particular, demanding and no one actually likes you.
You’re a delicate pansy. You can’t do anything for too long because it’s too strenuous. You’re the person at the beach who wears 70 SPF sunscreen and sits in the shade and still gets burnt. It takes lots of patience to get to know you and appreciate you and your soft boiled heart. I mean egg. I mean. I don’t….uh.
You are not gluten free. Why are eggs covered in sauce? Make this stop, please. I’m really hungry. How come bacon isn’t on this list? No one actually eats these types of eggs. At least I’ve never heard of anyone eating these. Maybe they’re reserved for hipsters. I just compared eggs to hipsters. I need a life. Or maybe just a job. I….need to move on.
You are perfect in every way.
How do you like your eggs, my dear Internets?