Oh hello, Internets!
Today I’m guest posting over at Tamara Out Loud‘s place where I share a mildly inappropriate story from my adventures at a trailer park. Yes. I worked at a trailer park. It’s a great story. Check it out. Then come back because there are some Friday Field Notes hidden at the bottom of this post.
For those of you who have wandered over from Tamara’s…
I am glad you’re here.
On Mondays I write posts about anything and everything. They could be about my upcoming Mission trip, things that most people think are dumb but I think are awesome, weird crap that freaks me out or something a little more serious.
On Wednesdays I post pictures that need not be explained.
On Fridays I post the weekly Field Notes, a collection of weird junk that kids at work say to me throughout the week. It’s definitely a highlight for a lot of readers.
Well GUESS WHAT? It’s FRIDAY! Now on with our regular programming…
(It’s a really slow time of year for my job. As in: I have very little work and it greatly impacts the amount of Field Notes. Trust me, I’m sad too)
I met S for the first time last week and I quickly realized his awesomeness. S is reading a cook book. I ask him a bunch of questions about food, and he brags at the food he’s cooked and ends with, “Look, I’ve made MEALS for my family.”
S (watching footage of a classmate figure skating): I couldn’t even do that!
G (watching figure skating footage): She’d be pretty good at hockey.
Me: So when you go to exchange your books, does your teacher send you downstairs alone without supervision?
A: Yeah because we’re more smarter now. Like probably know how to do things and stuff. Like not with them. The teacher. Yeah.
Girl: I am getting mouses!
Boy: NO ketchup with mouses!
When I did the attendance, I asked the kids to tell me their favourite food when I called their name. Answers included:
-Pizza (well duh)
-Tomatoes (like…ON your pizza?)
…and my favourite answer?
T: Dark cola makes you fart.
A: I am really good at making up IMPOSSIBLE riddles.
Me: Ok, let’s hear one!
A: What has arms but cannot reach, eyes but cannot see, a mouth but cannot talk and –
G: A HOBO.
A: – a bed but cannot….No. It’s not a hobo.
G: Oh, because it totally sounded like a hobo.
A: It’s a RIVER.
G: Sounded like a hobo to me.
E (talking to the girl next to him, who is completely ignoring him): So there’s this show and it’s really great and it’s called. It’s a show. Home Funniest Videos. Guess what? It’s about videos. Guess what? They’re funny.
E: Chips can clog up your throat and you can’t breathe.
E: Yeah, like the fat.
Me: Oh, you mean your arteries. Yes, the fat from chips can clog up your arteries.
E: So you can’t swallow and stuff? Because it clogs up your throat?
G: I wish God made the world so that we were allergic to junk food. It would be so much EASIER.
For some reason, a bunch of the kids at this school were walking around with really great fake mustaches. This spurred some interesting conversations.
Teacher: I already told you this. We discussed the mustache issue. You only get to wear your mustache outside because it distracts you. We’ve already discussed the mustache. End of discussion. No more mustache.
While on lunch duty, I walk into a room where a kid is wearing one mustache on his lip and one mustache as a giant unibrow.
Kid: I AM ABRAHAM LINCOLN!
Later, I had to explain to Abraham (unibrow and all) that it wasn’t ok to spit in his classmate’s face even if that classmate and him were playing a “see if I can make you flinch” game and he lost the game. Spitting in someone’s face is very rude and disrespectful, no matter how badly he made you flinch. Abraham cried. Abraham and his big giant unibrow cried.
I have a weird job.
Have a wonderful weekend, you hobos.