Friday Field Notes: For Emergencies

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

This week I got to take a class on a field trip to one of the universities in town. We went to the rock and mineral museum, which is actually more interesting than it sounds. An old British man gave a lecture about rocks and minerals. He also sang and danced. It was a rather magical afternoon. Also, it was the ever popular A’s class! I learned that there are trace amounts of quartz in Pop Rocks. Also, the same mineral that makes white paint white, is the same mineral that makes white Oreo icing white. In response to this:

T: So we can EAT PAINT?!
British Man: No. Don’t lick the paint!

On the bus on the way to the museum. J says everything in a convincing manner, as if he believes it all 100%.

J: One time my mom and I went bungee jumping. Like woooo woooo! Off the bridge.
Me: Really? What else have you done.
J: Jumped out of a plane. My mom was all like pull the thing and I was like whaaaaaa and then I was scared and kept falling.
Me: Interesting.

Me: A, how many brothers and sisters do you have?
A: Five brothers, one sister.
J: Yeah, well I got twenty five.
Me: Twenty five brothers and sisters, J?
J: Yeah, if you could my cousins and nephew and aunts and uncles and brother and sister and grandson.
Me: You’re a grandpa, are you J?
J: Oh yeah. Totally.

Me: You have lost your mineshaft privileges!

Kids are scraping rocks in order to find fossils. I walk over to A. He’s wearing giant  bright blue safety goggles.

Me: A, what did you find?
A: It’s POOP!

A pulls out a large wand-like light up toy from his back pocket.
Me: Buddy, where did you get that?
A: I brought it from home.
Me: Why?
A: For emergencies.

C: I miss my brother. He won’t even spend Christmas with his family this year because of his dumb girlfriend.
Me: Well maybe him and his girlfriend will spend time with your family too.
C: Ah forget her! She’s dirty!

Random girl: I’ve seen you. I see four of you. (I can’t even explain that? I don’t understand it myself).

Grade 4/5

D: Wow. A supply teacher shorter than me. THAT’S a shocker.

This day, the number of “I’m almost as tall as you” and “Why aren’t you married?” remarks were at an all time high. There was nothing else of note to mention. Dang kids.

Grade 5

N: It’s like Mexico all over again!

Grade 2 (The Obama kid’s class)

S: Hello 24 year old that looks like a teenager!

D: Are you a real teacher, Miss B?
Mrs. Lydia: (giggles) I’m not going say what I want to say.
Me: HEY! Yes, I am a real teacher.
T: But just a supply teacher.
E: You look like a real teacher to me!
Mrs. Lydia: It must be her glasses.
Me: I’m not wearing glasses today [you moron! :o)]

Have a good weekend. Be sure to keep something that lights up on your person at all times. For emergencies.


7 thoughts on “Friday Field Notes: For Emergencies

  1. Oh, I will. It’s called an iPhone flashlight app and it’s awesome. It even includes a strobe function for when I want to mess with my epileptic friends or throw a one person rave. Sometimes both at the same time.

  2. You ever wish you could take a peek ahead and see how they’re gonna turn out? If he can get through the rough years intact, that A is gonna achieve something special. There’s a lot of potential in that mind.

    If there are 4 of you, can you get quadruple pay for the field trip? You have a young witness to corroborate!

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