GUEST POST: Katie Hardeman’s Hair Worries and Woes

Internets, if you don’t know her already, I’d like you to meet Katie Hardeman. I am certain you will love her. The first time I commented on her blog, it was on a post about boogers. The entire thing was about boogers. If I ever mention Katie’s name to my mother, I say “Booger Girl” and she knows exactly who I mean. Katie is Booger Girl and I’m quite certain she’d be delighted by that. Katie likes junk food, talking about barf, teaching, laughing at farts and making hideous faces in photographs. Clearly we are kindred spirits. Every Wednesday and Sunday, Katie’s posts have me laughing until my stomach hurts but then leave me thinking about some big stuff. This is why she is awesome. This is also why we would be great friends if we lived in the same place. I’m very excited to be hosting her today.

 

Without further ado…

 

Hair Worries and Woes

I’m dealing with an issue right now that I never knew I’d have to deal with.  I didn’t know this was a “thing” that girls my age face.  I didn’t know this was a thing that girls ANY age faced.  I knew the laugh lines would come.  I knew the saggy skin would one day be inevitable.  But this?  No one warned me about this.

Naturally, I’m talking about chin hair.

Seeing as Amanda is pretty much an expert on all things related to facial hair, I figured she was the girl I needed to turn to for help.  However, Amanda is younger than I am and perhaps has not yet entered this stage- this era when dark hairs (because we’re not talking about peach fuzz here) begin to sprout over night on the chin or neck or jawline.  You never know where these prickly beasts will appear.  And you never know how long they’ve been hiding before you finally see them.

I remember the first time I noticed one.  It was on my neck.  And it was long.  Really long.  Like, this baby had some CURL in it.  Beyond mortified, I audibly gasped and ran to retrieve the tweezers.  I spoke of it to no one.

I thought it would just be the one.  I thought it was a fluke.  But then, a few weeks later, with just the right lighting and at just the right angle, I found another one.  Now I was pissed.  “Hellooooo, body.  What do you think you’re doing?”  I plucked that one with a scowl on my face.  This wasn’t amusing.

Pretty soon, I was daily scrutinizing my jawline for the hairs from hell that seemed to hide in normal lighting.  I started carrying tweezers with me at all times since I’d occasionally feel an unnaturally long hair on my neck while I was driving.  And there’s nothing more frustrating than sitting at a red light, trying to pluck a neck hair with your bare fingers.

Guys, I apologize if I’ve alarmed and disgusted you.  But I bet your wives know what I’m talking about.  Young girls, I’m sorry if I’ve frightened you.  Consider this your warning of what is to come, and enjoy your carefree days of looking in the mirror without having to search for curling neck hairs.  And Amanda, as one who has strong opinions about facial hair, I implore you for wise counsel.  Any tips?  Preventive measures?  Secrets to zapping these suckers for good?  Because I’m a little worried that at this rate, I’ll have a goatee by the time I’m forty.

Maybe there actually is no solution.  Maybe dark chin hairs are simply a part of life, a part of “aging” that no one warns you about.  I was thinking about this the other day, while scanning my neck for curling cues.  Neck and chin hairs may just be another issue that people “my age” have to deal with.  In reality, they’re not a big deal; as far as I know, no one’s ever died from discovering a long, dark hair on their chin or neck.  And these hairs are especially not something to worry about before they start appearing.  Each age brings its own stressors and “hairs” so to speak, and each stage of life seems to get progressively harder.  Here’s what I mean:

When I was little, I never once worried about acne or curfews* or whether or not I’d get to asked to the Homecoming dance.

When I was in high school, I didn’t worry about roommates or rent or whether or not the awkward coffee dates would one day lead to marriage.

When I was in college, slowing metabolism, taxes, and whether I should use Geico or Progressive for car insurance, were not concerns of mine.  Could fifteen minutes really save me fifteen percent or more?  I didn’t know and I didn’t care.

When I was in my early twenties, I didn’t stress about wrinkles or my “biological clock” or whether or not I should sign up on E-Harmony.  And I especially didn’t worry about dark hairs residing on my chin.

Looking back on each of these eras, it is clear that each stage brings its own worries and woes.  We deal with the stage we’re in; we usually complain about the trials it brings; but then we move on to a new stage of life and find it’s actually much harder than before, filled with new worries and woes and hairs that we never imagined.

I think that was part of God’s design.  Not the chin hair thing- surely He didn’t mean for that to happen; surely that was part of “the fall.”  But I think part of His plan includes the whole “can’t see your worries in the future so you can’t worry about them today” thing.  Can you imagine your 8 year-old self stressed out about student loans or wedding costs or mortgage payments?  That would be absurd.  At age eight, your only money concerns should be finding enough quarters in the couch or in your mom’s underwear drawer** in order to buy that rad poster at the school book fair.

Each stage of life seems to get increasingly more complicated, but God permits these complications and trials only to the degree that we can handle.  And He provides the strength we need for whatever it is we’re dealing with today.  I cling to this truth.  I rest in it.  I find hope in it.  Because sometimes it feels like it’s more than I can handle.  Sometimes it feels like it’s just too much, but it never is and He knows our limits exactly.  He also knows that in order to be ready for the next stage, we must be stretched and strengthened today.  We must grow and mature in this current stage so we’ll be ready for the next one which will inevitably be much harder.

Think back to your worries from college.  Do you laugh now at how stressed you were about choosing a major and finding your spouse***?

Think back to your high school woes.  Isn’t it pathetic how much you obsessed over your crush and college applications?

Think back to your younger years.  How strange is it that you were so upset when you were picked last for kickball **** or got in trouble for eating the flowers at recess?  No?  Just me?

The point is that we can look back on many of our worries of yesterday and laugh.  They seemed so huge at the time, so cumbersome and unyielding.  But He gave us enough strength to endure them then, and in hindsight, what we thought were mountains, were molehills compared to what we’re facing today.  Which begs the question: will today’s trial look like a molehill tomorrow?  Will this stage of life, chin hairs and all, seem easy breezy compared to the next stage?

Probably.

Will my thirties and forties hold trials that would terrify me if I knew about them now?

I’m guessing yes.

But if I’ve learned anything from my dark and dreadful chin stubble, it’s that I have no need to worry about the trials of tomorrow.  He’ll give me the strength I need for tomorrow, tomorrow.  Today, I need only keep tweezers in my purse and remember that God will continually provide the strength I need for today, today.  And for that, I rejoice.

 

* I lied.  I never actually worried about curfews because I never actually had one. I just said that to sound cool and because I figured other people worried about them.  My parents were concerned that I preferred staying in on Friday nights with a book and a bowl of ice cream so they encouraged me to stay out late.

** This was a serious treasure trove of coins and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t snagged a few quarters even in recent years.

*** I went to a Christian college so if you didn’t get a “ring by Spring”, you were basically a failure.

**** Let’s be honest, I dominated at kickball.  But I did feel sorry for those kids who sucked at it.  They’re probably happily married now and not stealing quarters from their mom’s underwear drawer so I guess the joke’s on me.

 

Please leave any facial hair advice in the comments. Katie and I both thank you in advance.

Now go read about boogers http://www.crusadingwithkatie.com

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30 thoughts on “GUEST POST: Katie Hardeman’s Hair Worries and Woes

  1. Katie: wax, pluck, electrolysis, thread, sugar. Anything besides bleach. Also, I’ve seen Mennonite women with full on goatees. Yours probably isn’t that bad :o)

    Also, thanks for this. I like you.

  2. Since I’m a guy who hasn’t been clean-shaven since July 2000*, I am entirely unqualified to offer facial hair advice in this context. The only facial hair advice I’m qualified to offer is “Let it grow!”

    *This is how I looked a few years ago:

  3. Amanda- sugar??? Is it against their religion to take care of that mess because that is ridiculous?

    Tony- Thanks:)

    Amanda’s mommy- I am NOT looking forward to those.

    Eva- “Ring by Spring or your money back” is the full line. However, seeing as I’m STILL paying off my student loans, apparently the opposite is true for me.

    Burrill- DANG! Now there’s some impressive-looking chin hair!

    Some guy- sometimes I accidentally put face soap in my hair and wash my face with shampoo. So I guess I’ll just start following that up with some conditioner. Great tip:)

    • That was a while ago. When I got into the photo business I decided I should cut it down to look at least vaguely professional. (I like to set my goals where I can reach them. I can look vaguely professional. Somewhat professional? Probably not. Mostly professional? Not a chance.)

      This is more recent:

  4. I’ll never be found without a pair of tweezers nearby – unless I’m going through airport security. One tiny, itchy chin hair will annoy me all day long.

  5. I have the same annoying problem with chin hair.

    I went to a Christian college. I dated a girl for a few years, then we broke up. I was nearly driven out of town by a rioting mob.

    Anyways, great post. I am now terrified of what lies ahead of me. That was the point you were trying to make, correct?

  6. I admit to being distracted by the flower eating. Not because I am grossed out by this, but because it reminded me of the Hogan’s Heroes episode where Hogan has to convince a German doctor that he has a rare eskimo illness (the doctor having a fascination for the eskimos and their illnesses) so that he can be “treated” in a hospital that’s only for German officers in order to connect with a German officer with vital intelligence information who was unfortunately caught in an air raid and injured.

  7. Alissa- I feel that airport security should make an exception for tweezers. Surely they would understand our need to be able to pluck at all times.

    Craven- Christian mobs are the worst.

    snickering corpses- I have no idea what that show is about but I am intrigued about how it relates to flower eating. In my defense, they were honey suckle flowers. Honey suckle. What kid wouldn’t want to try to “suckle” those?

    • Katie – Comedy show set in World War 2. A German camp for Allied prisoners of war, run by an incompetent idiot (Colonel Klink), which is being used by said prisoners as cover for sabotage and intelligence operations. If you’ve ever heard anyone say “I see nothink. Noth-ink!” in a faux German accent, they’re immitating Sergeant Shultz, the gullible barracks guard who pretends not to know what Hogan is up to because admitting such things going on under his nose would get him shot or sent to the Russian Front.

      While trying to find the episode information, I oddly found a floral shop called “Hogan’s Flowers” as well as an article on a rose-growing site about edible flower petals. The particular episode was Season 4, Episode 21 called “Up in Klink’s Room.”

      Honeysuckles! I remember plucking those with my dad, pinching the back end off and sucking out the drop of honey within. :)

  8. First of all, I would like it noted that if I’m ever in a coma I absolutely expect that someone takes care of those rogue chin hairs on my behalf. I also expect someone to take care of my eyebrows. If I wake up a hairy beast, I will be pissed.

    Also, if chin hairs are the crisis of our late 20’s, we are blessed indeed.

    • Amy, I’m Katie’s childhood bestfriend, if you don’t remember me, I’ve came to visit a few times at Westmont, anyways, I LOVE your outlook on hospitalizations/comas, because as a nurse I often care for patients who have many long chin and neck hairs and I’d love nothing more than to pluck them if only they would ask. I would gladly do it for you if you’re ever my patient :)

  9. Duly noted, Ames. I often think about my funeral and apparently you think about yourself in a coma. This must be why we’re friends.

    I promise to take care of your hairs. A hairy beast is one thing; but a hairy beast who is pissed off is a whole other problem. And I’ve seen you pissed. Remember when we tried to make those popcorn balls in 2004 and you poured hot carmel on your hands? I was slightly terrified of you then, so I’ll be sure to bring my tweezers when I visit you in the hospital.

    Also, your reference to “rogue chin hairs” cracked me up. I wish I had thought of it.

    And you’re right, we are blessed indeed.

  10. Chin hair is no big deal for me. I cultivate it.
    But I’m at the age now where it’s starting to grow out of my ears, and that’s just freaky.
    One day, nothing. Next day, a cauliflower is chillaxin’ in my ear canal.
    Picture the shaving scene from Evan Almighty.
    On the bright side, if I ever decide to forego basic grooming, I may never need earmuffs again…

  11. Oh Katie….I too have suffered from this problem, for WAY too long unfortunately! Your post had me literally rolling and gasping for air! :) Travis was asleep when I read it and I woke him up to read it to him! He started cracking up too, which made me a happy girl because the alternative was a sleepy beast complaining about me waking him up. :) LOVE love love reading your hilarious posts! :) Keep em coming! :)

  12. Katie, I always find stray brow hairs while driving in my car and I’m always trying to pluck with my fingers which obviously doesn’t do the trick but I’ve never thought of carrying tweezers with me at all times, GREAT IDEA, thanks! So far I must say that I have found only one chronic dark stubble that likes to make her appearance every few weeks on my chin, if you come visit, I’ll show you….. now if that isn’t a good bribe I don’t know what is ;)
    Also, thank you for the perspective on the various “hairs” that we all come upon in the various stages of life, very insightful.

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