Girl: Draw a tractor.
Boy: I can’t detail it. I hate the way they look when they’re not detailed.
A clump of boys outside during gym, talking in Low German. All of a sudden they form two straight lines side by side and in perfect unison, start marching/jogging around the field. Very bizarre.
Boy 1: If you can’t sleep just take some liquid manure.
Me: Well I’m not sure where I would get any of that.
Boy 2: I can give you a free sample. Real cheap, too.
Girl: Why don’t you wear glasses?
Me: I do. I’m just wearing contacts.
All of the kids: WHAT?!
I then had to circulate the class and show each of them the contact lenses that were stuck to my eye.
M: who is your husband?
Me: I don’t have one.
B: Well why not?!
Me: Because I don’t.
B: Well how old are you?
M: My sister is 21 and she has a husband. Do you have a wife?
S, totally shocked: That would be awkward, M!
Boy: You should be our art teacher all the time.
Boy: Because our other one gets really mad.
I went around the class asking what their favourite foods were. Best answer? Cow meat.
Girl: I drew this picture um…a little bit um…more…wrong.
Boy: Um Mrs. Basket?
Me: Yes? Wait, what did you just call me?
Me: Do you have any questions about your letter “R” worksheet?
Girl: I am in choir.
Me: Today’s magic word is popcorn. When I say the magic word, you can unfreeze and start tidying up. What’s the magic word again?
Me: In the Springtime, we sometimes wear rubber boots outside.
J: RUBBER POOPS?!
K: I AM A DESK MONSTER!
Me: Please come out from under your desk, K.
K: But I dropped my pencil!
Me: What else do we wear outside during the autumn?
N: I know something that we wear that know one else will even know.
Me: Oh and what is that?
B: I can yell freakin’ loud. I can give you a headache with just a peep.
Girl, to N sitting across from her: Do you write with this hand? (holding up her RH)
N: No, I write with this hand. (holding up his RH)
Girl: That’s the same hand.
N: (Blank stare)
J: How do you wake Lady Gaga up in the morning?
Me: I don’t know. How?
J: I don’t know.
Me: You forgot?
Few minutes later…
Me: did you remember?
J: Yes! (pause) Oh I forgot it again.
Me: Too bad.
J: WAIT. I got it. (singing in a whisper) La la oh lala-ah, Gaga oh lala-ha.
This week’s notes were a little lacking due to small workload. But, as an added bonus, I present you with a list of stupid names that I encountered this week (I’m not making these up):
Aaaand my favourite,
Have a lovely weekend. Don’t name your kid anything stupid.