Friday Field Notes: Cow Meat

Grade 5/6

Girl: Draw a tractor.
Boy: I can’t detail it. I hate the way they look when they’re not detailed.

A clump of boys outside during gym, talking in Low German. All of a sudden they form two straight lines side by side and in perfect unison, start marching/jogging around the field. Very bizarre.

Boy 1: If you can’t sleep just take some liquid manure.
Me: Well I’m not sure where I would get any of that.
Boy 2: I can give you a free sample. Real cheap, too.

Girl: Why don’t you wear glasses?
Me: I do. I’m just wearing contacts.
All of the kids: WHAT?!
I then had to circulate the class and show each of them the contact lenses that were stuck to my eye.

M: who is your husband?
Me: I don’t have one.
B: Well why not?!
Me: Because I don’t.
B: Well how old are you?
M: 20?
Me: No.
B: 24?
Me: Yes.
M: My sister is 21 and she has a husband. Do you have a wife?
S, totally shocked: That would be awkward, M!

Boy: You should be our art teacher all the time.
Me: Why?
Boy: Because our other one gets really mad.

I went around the class asking what their favourite foods were. Best answer? Cow meat.

Grade 1

Girl: I drew this picture um…a little bit um…more…wrong.

Boy: Um Mrs. Basket?
Me: Yes? Wait, what did you just call me?
Boy: Uhhhh…

Me: Do you have any questions about your letter “R” worksheet?
Girl: I am in choir.

Me: Today’s magic word is popcorn. When I say the magic word, you can unfreeze and start tidying up. What’s the magic word again?
J: POOPCORN!

Me: In the Springtime, we sometimes wear rubber boots outside.
J: RUBBER POOPS?!

K: I AM A DESK MONSTER!
Me: Please come out from under your desk, K.
K: But I dropped my pencil!

Me: What else do we wear outside during the autumn?
N: I know something that we wear that know one else will even know.
Me: Oh and what is that?
N: ORTHOTICS!

B: I can yell freakin’ loud. I can give you a headache with just a peep.

Girl, to N sitting across from her: Do you write with this hand? (holding up her RH)
N: No, I write with this hand. (holding up his RH)
Girl: That’s the same hand.
N: (Blank stare)

J: How do you wake Lady Gaga up in the morning?
Me: I don’t know. How?
J: I don’t know.
Me: You forgot?
J: (nods)
Few minutes later…
J: GASP!
Me: did you remember?
J: Yes! (pause) Oh I forgot it again.
Me: Too bad.
J: WAIT. I got it. (singing in a whisper) La la oh lala-ah, Gaga oh lala-ha.

This week’s notes were a little lacking due to small workload. But, as an added bonus, I present you with a list of stupid names that I encountered this week (I’m not making these up):

Cedar
Indigo
Stone
Aaaand my favourite,

Peekaboo.

Yes, PEEKABOO.

Have a lovely weekend. Don’t name your kid anything stupid.

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15 thoughts on “Friday Field Notes: Cow Meat

  1. You’re too young to remember Picabo Street (pronounced peekaboo), possibly. American women’s downhill skier from the 90s. Great name, also a great skier. :)

    Cedar, Indigo, Stone… American hippie migrants? :> I’d almost bet money that somewhere in the US there is a man whose birth name was Tulip. Our hippies were pretty big on plant names at one point.

  2. I like cow meat too.

    I predict that Peekaboo will grow up to be a philanthropist who will donate enough money to build a new Intensive Care Unit at the local children’s hospital. Of course, they would call it…
    Peekaboo I.C.U. !

    Did I mention that I like cow meat?

  3. I also love cow meat and hate when tractor’s aren’t detailed.

    There is a bounce house blown up in the quad right now (don’t ask) and one of my small freshman boys announces, “I’m totally jumping on that today. I can easily pass for a 6th grader.” I’m glad he’s finding the silver lining.

  4. And it’s not technically called liquid manure, those in the know call it honey or the vehicle carrying it, the honey wagon. And as to why on earth my fellow Mennos decided to name it such a horrible name I have no idea.

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