Search Terms

I probably use Google on a daily basis. I’m sure many others do, too. Sometimes odd searches lead people to this here blog. And then I get to see what odd things people are wondering about. It’s one of the many joys of being a blogger.

I must note that approximately 96% of search terms are related to facial hair. Awesome, right? Right. I usually exaggerate this type of thing, but I assure you, this time I’m not. Take a look at a screenshot of a few of the things people searched for:

Here are some of my other favourites:

Girl with bunions. This is not me. Go away.

Cut of the poo. I don’t know what this means. Can someone explain?

Hairy guys online content uploads 2010 irish hairy 202. This….is oddly specific. And this happened twice? Uh…?

Girls clubhouse no boys allowed. This was searched for several times, all worded differently. You’re very adamant, but you came to the wrong place. I write about facial hair.

Is it gay to remove facial hair? I’m quite certain it isn’t.

Whats the cause of blond facial hair plucking blonde upper lip hair and it feeling sharp and pokey. Oh honey. Oh. You need to find a mentor other than Google. Please.

Do Baptists grow beards? I am quite certain they do. Just ask John.

“toilet thing”. Why did you use quotation marks? Does it help you get your point across? I’m picturing a proper lady in a cableknit sweater using air quotes. When you say “toilet thing”, what do you actually mean?

10 week old miniature schnauzer puppy. I have one of these. Do you want it?

Pickle on a stick. Oh. Do you mean this?

seemed like a good idea at the time


Sad boy alone in love. It’s because the girls didn’t let you in their clubhouse, isn’t it?

My brother likes to touch my feet. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Things people think about. I’m thinking about why your brother likes to touch your feet.

Decorated poo. OK, so it’s apparent that I’ve blogged about poo before. That doesn’t mean I know how to DECORATE it. Go ask Martha Stewart. Again, I ask, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Hal Johnson awesome. Finally. Something that makes sense.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever Googled?

16 thoughts on “Search Terms

  1. Most of the terms that lead people to The GBOAT are for either Tyrannosaurus Rex, t-rex, or t rex, or Chinese food. Those are the ones that keep popping up.

    However, scrolling down the list, one can’t help but notice terms such as “the greatest blog of all time (NOT)”, i hate that stupid guy “the gboat”, and my personal favorite “joseph craven sucks but i enjoy reading his blog”, which sounds like something you would’ve said. Basically, my friends know I can see search terms, and my friends all suck.

    Oh, and at the very bottom of the list was “t-rex” in quotes. Just there to mock me, really.

  2. First off, a pickle on a stick is NEVER a good idea.

    My most recent google search was “difference between phrases and clauses.” An English teacher should probably know that, right? Shhhh. Don’t tell my principal.

    Also, most people end up at my blog when they search for information about mold in their gatorade. Turns out that is a VERY common problem.

  3. That list was ha-larious! This isn’t google but I was looking for a picture for a video at church. A guy that I work with said there were great pictures at I went to that site and it was straight male pornography. The church I worked at had a system to track shady websites that people went to. I was so scared that I was going to get fired for that mistake. Lucky I didn’t. The guy that told me about the site said that’s not what he saw when he went to the website. Shady.

    • Rob, when your comment came into my inbox, that site was linked. So now you’re spreading it.

      You probably didn’t get in trouble with IT because they can tell how long you spent on each site you visited. That way they can differentiate between an honest mistake and someone who needs a keyboard cleaning.

  4. Since May 2011 I have had 154 people search “Tyra Banks Fat” and hit my site. 4 folks (or one sad guy) has searched “Everyone has a better life than me”.

    Some other greats are:

    “angry parents” – like you said, I imagine air quotes.
    i didn’t get your text “LIE” – really pissed off girlfriend
    black woman christmas – this is how I want to celebrate the season this year
    how do you know a drunk guy likes you – I may be writing a book by the same title
    Robert Peterson Naked – Someone was confused

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