My work year has officially ended. I would say school year, but I’m not in school. Technically I am, but now school is work. I work at school. I was in school for the past three weeks, but it wasn’t work. But I was still working. On school work. But I wasn’t working at school. Or getting paid. You get me? Yeah you do. All this to say: IT’S SUMMER!
Be jealous of me and my unemployed ways.
You may have seen previous Friday Field Notes entries. If you haven’t, go back and have a read. I don’t have any new one-liners to share, but I do have awesome stories to tell.
Today’s story comes from one of my favourite classes to teach. They’re in grade six (or sixth grade for all you Amuricans) and extremely well behaved. But that doesn’t mean they’re boring. On a consistent basis, these kids were pumping out comedy gold. These are the same kids that brought you “My name is J, and these are my lucky pants” and “My name is M and I ate my lunch in ten bites”. They are the kids who are obsessed with Harry Potter (yes) and JBiebs (no). They were also the kids I would go to if I had questions about pop culture references that were too mainstream for my out of date self to understand. If I was seeing them soon, I’d ask them to explain planking*. These kids are fo REAL[z].
I now present you with Sock Water: a tale that will touch hearts across the globe.
Early spring, on a rainy day, I meet the kids coming in from break. Girls were at the front of the line, boys at the back. The girls looked disgusted. The boys were giggling. Always the best way to start something awesome.
M (of ten-bite lunch fame): “Miss B! I drank sock water!”
Me: “What is sock water? What is so funny?”
Girl: “You don’t want to know the answer to that question!”
Me: “Just because you said that, I want to know the answer to my question. Boys, what is sock water?”
Boy 1: “Well, it’s raining outside. And we didn’t wear boots. Our socks were wet when we came in from outside.”
Boy 2: “So M squeezed the water out of his socks into a water bottle.”
M: “AND I DRANK IT!”
All the boys explode into fits of laughter. The girls look more disgusted.
Now as the responsible and mature adult in this situation, I have two options. 1: scold the boy telling him that it was a poor decision and drinking dirty water could really impact his health and then in turn affect his school attendance, which would then have an impact on his high school performance, which stops him from going to post-secondary education which then translates to fewer choices in jobs and eventually living in a bumcrack of an apartment next to a lady who makes cabbage soup and performs Norwegian folk music for a living** or 2: laugh until my stomach hurts.
I went with option two.
I told the boys that was the most disgusting thing I had ever heard, and I didn’t know whether to be appalled or really impressed. I then pointed out the looks on the girls’ faces and said, “This may severely impact your chances of ever having a girlfriend, boys. Just remember that the next time you have wet socks.”
I should have probably been upset but I couldn’t think of an appropriate response in this particular incident. I’m thinking the cause and effect thing will kind of work itself out with this one.
In June I return to the class and find a list of memorable moments for their yearbook on the teacher’s desk:
*Seriously, what’s the deal with planking? I now discover that planking is old news and owling is hip. But WAIT, now apparently owling is not hip. Cone-ing is the new owling. And guess who showed me a cone-ing video? MY MOTHER. She has a BlackBerry and knows how to use Google.
**Fun fact: I went to school with a Norwegian folk singer. She was born and raised in the same city as me. I have her CD. Yodeling. Goat calls. Screaming. None of this makes sense to me, either.
. . . . . . .
What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever ingested in order to impress your buddies? Let’s keep it appropriate. But really, I want to hear your disgusting stories.
Also, do you know any Norwegian folk singers?
I just did some quick scientific research, and sock water is highly overrated.
I haven’t done any research into this topic. Does the brand of sock make a difference? Is sock water from certain brands more refreshing?
I think we should do an in depth scientific study.
You chose the right option. Telling a grade sixth grader (international compromise!) something will affect his future is like telling a carrot…anything.
I’m about to go google “owling” and cone-ing.” You didn’t make those up, did you?
My family plays a card game where if you lose, the others get to choose any 3 items in the kitchen and you have to eat a spoonful of the concoction. I’ve come close to puking on them several times.
Also, in Mozambique I use to love to order the fish because it comes with everything- skin, eyes, you name it. And then I would always pop out the eyeball because one of my friends would eat it for kicks. I don’t think she was trying to impress me. I think she was just weird. Hey, wait, I just remembered- she was Canadian. That explains a lot.
No, I didn’t make those up. You’ll enjoy the videos.
Not all Canadians like eyeballs.
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A spoonful of wasabi. Don’t ever do it.
Oooooh honey. Oh dear.
I was always the kid that wouldn’t eat any of those disgusting things. This might or might not have been related to the fact that I was one of the “smart kids.”
My impressive talent in school was scratching my left jaw with my left hand…by looping my arm around behind my head, down the right side of the face and across under the chin to reach it. I can still do that, and people still think it’s weird.
I’ve just discovered that I can do this with my right hand, but not my left.
*grins* See, having me around is educational! ;)
It depends on a combination of arm length, neck length, and joint flexibility. I can do it with either arm, and get my fingertips all the way up to the cheekbone, but I have long arms and a long neck that means my head can bend to the side a fair bit to accomodate the best angles. I’m not double-jointed, but my joints are a bit more flexible than average, too.