Obscure Things I Quote on a Regular Basis

I’m weird. There’s no denying it. Part of my weirdness involves funny voices. My strange faces are indeed odd. I like to sing bizarre songs. I’m also prone to quoting obscure junk. When I say “obscure junk” I mean stuff that most people have never heard of, or it’s a small part of something people have heard of, but since I provide no context, the meaning is obscure. I don’t mean quoting the  obscure part of a popular movie that has been made popular by quoting the part constantly, thus making it no longer obscure. No. That’s not it at all. I made a list.

 

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

 

Mennonites. I have Mennonite stories from earlier this year. I have told them at family get togethers, when we’ve had friends for dinner or any time I find myself with a fresh audience. I just told these  stories this past weekend. I must note that I’m never the one who brings up the stories. It’s usually my dad who announces I have a great story to tell and proceeds to say bits of the story with no context, thus confusing everyone in the room apart from those who have already heard the stories. Or my mom tries to capture the accent but it ends up sounding mostly Indian. My brothers have even requested the stories. I don’t think I’ve ever had family requested stories (when you’re the youngest funny kid in a funny family, this is a big deal). I cannot explain exactly what makes them great but boy are they ever. So great, they can only ever be told in person by yours truly. Sorry, internets. No video could capture the nuance of the Mennonite stories. “Did you bathe it in Epsom salts?”

 

The little girl in this commercial.

 

The Wedding Planner. Of all the cheesy JLo and/or Matthew McDoesn’tweardeodourant I pick this one. The beauty of quoting this movie is that the lines are not that funny, and no one knows where it’s from, so I don’t have to be embarrassed. My go to lines:

Jezebel was the only queen in the Bible to be eaten by dogs.
Are you Nancy PONG?
Steve! Steve! It’s you, Steve.
You smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches.

 

The noise at 0:35.

 

The part in Stuart Little when the kid runs around yelling “It’s today! It’s today!” because he’s excited to get a baby mouse brother. I quote this whenever I’m excited about something happening on that particular day. I may or may not run around while I’m saying it. Depends on who’s asking.

 

RAISINS?! This guy named The Sneeze used to blog and it was great. When his son was 3, he gave him a 14 cent box of raisins for Christmas. He did the same thing the next Christmas and recorded his reaction. Please, PLEASE do yourself a favour and listen to the audio from both years. The 2007 Raisins gets quoted every time I encounter raisins.


 

What weird junk do you reference? Better yet, make some obscure references in the comments and we’ll all try to guess what it’s from. And we’ll all be wrong. That sounds like fun.

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23 thoughts on “Obscure Things I Quote on a Regular Basis

  1. Not as obscure as some, but some faves…

    Ref #1:

    “It’s a baby, Jack.”

    Ref #2:

    “You have to really squint.”

  2. a. I love Marcel.
    b. I want to come to Canada and meet you if only to hear these Mennonite stories.
    c. Do you think the script for the little girl said, “Say, ‘I love you’ then lick your lips”?
    d. I remembered the grilled cheese sandwiches part but that was it. Such random quotes from J Lo.
    e. I listened to that kid saying “raisins” at least 12 times. I too plan on quoting him whenever I see raisins- especially since I’m not a fan of them in my cookies.

    f. My spoon is too big. Youtube it.

    g. “Tis be tru young bas.” I’ve been saying this since I read it in 7th grade English class.

    h. Sometimes I flick my nose with my finger like Leo did in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.

    i. “Rocky loves Emmmm-i-ly” is said any time I meet a new Emily.

    j. “Can we get the businesswomen’s special?… because we’re business women.” I say this pretty much every time I dress fancy.

    k. “Magic and mystery is part of their history and so is the secret of ______ _______ juice!” I sing this more often than I ever thought I would.

    l. When I’m trying to distract a player shooting a free throw, I do a killer “Xena, the Warrior Princess” call. Don’t worry, I only do this when I’m a fan- not when I’m coaching.

    m. When I played b-ball in college we had a defense called “22” and it was my job to yell to everyone that we were in it. I would put two’s up on both my hands and yell, “Twenty-Two! I am not a crook!”

  3. a. Yeah you do.
    b. Yeah you do.
    c. It was probably all improv. The little girl is just that brilliant.
    d. Yes. I’ve watched it an embarrassingly large number of times.
    e. Yeah you do. It’s probably my favourite on this list.
    f. I AM A BANANA!
    g. ?
    h. YES. I thought this movie was brilliant
    i. ?
    j. ?
    k. GUMMI BEARY juice!
    l. Saturday mornings. This is when I used to watch this show.
    m. ?

  4. My brother and I often quote a halloween costume commercial (that I’ve in fact never seen, just watched my brother reenact): “I’m a headless man!”

    Also, some puppet skits that we once used for a short-term missions trip, like the Good Samaritan story where the Good Samaritan has a southern accent: “Aiyee what happened here?” or the Spanish version: “Que paso aqui?”

  5. Seriously, where do you find this stuff?? Hilarious! I LOVED Marcel!

    Okay I have a few:

    1. You’re a stupid little baby, man
    2. I would like to inquire about your spoons.
    3. You ever drank Bailey’s from a shoe?

    I quote these on a near-daily basis.

  6. Old Greg has been creeping me out for years.

    g. “The Cay”
    i. “Three Ninjas”
    j. “Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (It is probably just as, if not more, embarrassing how many times I’ve watched this movie compared to you watching “The Wedding Planner.”)
    m. Richard Nixon

  7. The first quote comes from MacGyver, when they find a baby in Jack’s plane. He says it with a tinge of horror. But they faithfully do their best in an emergency situation, changing diapers with duct tape.

    The second quote comes from the TV show dueSouth. Fraser is considering renting an apartment in Chicago, and the landlord is doing his best with the sales pitch. The full quote goes like:

    Landlord: On a good day you can see Canada just across the lake.

    Fraser: Canada is 480 miles due north.

    Landlord: You have to really squint.

    Unfortunately, these quotes do not seem to be available on youtube, so they can’t be easily appreciated in their full glory.

  8. Tony! That’s gotta be some of the strangest stuff I’ve ever viewed. But I found Salad Fingers and Old Gregg hilarious. “Make an assessment” indeed.

  9. I always say “Let’s do this, like Brutus”
    And “I’m so FREAKIN’ excited!”

    And I add “like Sunday morning” to descriptions, so like:
    Person: That guy is crazy!
    Me: Crazy like Sunday morning.
    or
    Person: This train is slow.
    Me: Slow like Sunday morning.
    That one’s not really a quote from something, it’s a reapplication of the name of an internet radio station.

    And whenever I bring up a thesaurus on my computer I sing “THESAURUS!” because “thesaurus” sounds like “Greek Chorus” to me… this is the link: http://www.youtube.com/user/Legallyblondemusic#p/c/27E87AF6A9F5C0F7/5/R4NZH89qkCc 1:27-1:36)

    There’s more that I can’t think of.

  10. 1)
    A: “It’ll be a slaughter!”
    G: “That’s the spirit!”
    A: “No! *MY* slaughter!”

    2) “He’s not any kind of program, Sark. He’s a user.”

    3) I never have a reason to use this line, but that doesn’t make it any less fun: “I’ll bring the dip if you bring the dostoevsky.”

    4)
    Line that has been stuck in my head from a certain game, though not a very Christian action, we add. :>

    Merc: standing in front of window, arms crossed: “I have nothing else to say to you.”
    S: kicks villian through skyscraper window to his doom several stories below, then walks to the edge and looks down. “How about goodbye?”

    5) Not an obscure film at all, but: “That still only counts as one!”

    6) “I love it when a plan comes together!” (not obscure either, but very quotable)

    ——

    Also, if we ever get the chance to meet in person, I’ll trade you my Tailor story for your Mennonite story. Remind me I promised that. :D

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