Come ON

I’m extremely patient.

With the little stuff. I can deal with the little stuff. I’m patient. I will wait out a group of chatty children until they are bored to tears. I’m cool with waiting. It’s easier than getting worked up about it. My favourite classroom management technique is saying, “I’ll wait for you” and waiting. It works. I don’t mind standing in a really long line. I’m patient. Traffic doesn’t phase me that much. I’ll get there eventually. I’m patient. I wait. I’m GOOD at waiting. With the little stuff.

But the big stuff?

This entire year I have been waiting for my phone to ring so I have a job for each Monday (and Tuesday and Wednesday and…). I am waiting for more job postings to go up so I can apply for a “real” position that doesn’t involve waiting. I’m waiting for someone to spot my application and say “Yes, I want her!” I am waiting to do the application process for the third, fourth, fifth time. I’m waiting to get a job so I can earn money consistently. So I can move out. So I can have my own space. So I can finally grow up. I’m waiting.

I’m waiting for a guy to email me about a project that I’m eager to finish. I’m waiting for him to send me sample illustrations. I’m waiting for that dream to become something tangible. I’m waiting.

I’m waiting until the next time I see a certain someone. I’m waiting for September so we don’t have to deal with long distance anymore. I’m waiting for the quality of Skype calls to improve. I’m waiting to see what’s in store for us. I’m waiting.

I’m waiting for the September, when our young adults group moves from the inconvenient location of our church to a scummy country bar downtown. I’m waiting to see what will happen in the lives of the young adults who walk through our scummy bar doors. I’m waiting to see how this community will develop. I’m waiting for lives to be changed. I’m waiting.

I’m waiting to see how my skills and gifts will be used. I’m waiting for something to end the stalemate. I’m waiting for something big to happen. I’m waiting for God to totally shake things up.  I’m waiting for God to exceed my expectations. To blow apart my trivial plans for myself. I’m waiting.

 

I

 

am

 

waiting.

 

 

But come ON.

Enough waiting, already! I’m sick of waiting! I don’t want to do it anymore! I know I can’t be the only one who feels like this. I’m not unhappy; I’m anxious. I know I appear to be miserable at times and I’m a bear to live with (sorry Mom!) but I’m not sad. I’m anxious. I’m tired of my prayers being full of “come ONs” and not enough “thank yous”. I’m embarrassed of my own impatience.

I know that eventually these things will happen. Or maybe they won’t. It’s entirely possible that none of my plans will come to fruition. I have no way of knowing where I’ll be in a year. I know there are other people waiting for bigger things than I am. I know my impatience will one day seem trivial. I don’t know what is going to happen. But I do know that all things work together for my good. I keep singing that line over and over, trying to pass the time as I wait.

All things work together for my good.
All things work together for my good.

I’m repeating Psalm 130:6 over and over until it is somehow ingrained in my everyday rhythms of thinking.

More than watchmen wait for the morning.
More than watchmen wait for the morning.

I know God does not work on my time. He is beyond time. He is beyond anything I can comprehend. His plans completely trump mine. My silly little plans. I’m waiting for big things. Bigger things than a job, an apartment, a project. Big things. I’m waiting.

I’m listening and singing and hoping and praying and listening. Because I feel something a-rumbling.

Something is there waiting for me to stop waiting.

 

What are you waiting for?

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Come ON

  1. Amanda, Loved this-

    I’m waiting to see how my skills and gifts will be used. I’m waiting for something to end the stalemate. I’m waiting for something big to happen. I’m waiting for God to totally shake things up. I’m waiting for God to exceed my expectations. To blow apart my trivial plans for myself. I’m waiting.

    Sometimes I wonder if God will ever “shake things up” for me. Not because He can’t, but because somehow I’m not destined for that…I hope that’s not true. Not entirely the point of this post, but that’s what spoke to me. Other than to say anybody who gets to be your colleague or student will be the luckiest people on Earth. Seriously. And as for your other dreams, I can’t wait to see those happen too.

    • Carmen, that’s entirely the point of this post. Waiting and wondering. A bunch of people were on my mind as I was writing this….you were one of them. You are wonderful and hilarious and gifted and inspiring and caring and intelligent, to name a few things, and I am so glad I get to call you my friend! Hold on tight, because I think you’re going to be all shook up :o)

  2. It’s the waiting, the not yets, the “nos” and sometimes the not evers that God uses to mold us and make us into the person He intends us to be. You my dearest are being molded into an even “awesomer” young woman than you already are! It’s not always fun but it is necessary. It’s the tough stuff and how we react to it that makes us who we are. You have come through so much in your life that I know you will get through this too.
    You are amazing…you are my hero..I will love you forever and ever!

    PS..I totally agree with Carmen when she says that anyone who gets to be your colleague or student will be the luckiest people on earth!!

  3. What’s hard for me is remembering that He works things together for good and for His glory, not for my own whims and immediate happiness or satisfaction. He’s a much better judge of good, whereas I’m a much better judge of what I want, which might seem awesome but isn’t necessarily His good. Ugh.

    Ever since I started my photography business four years ago (!), I’ve been remembering Proverbs 19:21: “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”

    • Yes yes yes! This is exactly the conversation I had after writing this. He’s a much better judge of good. He IS good. Us even thinking we know what’s best is preposterous. And things work together for my good, not necessarily my happiness. Exactly.

  4. As you’re the admin, are you able to see the email address I type into these comment thingies? If so, send me an email. I know of a local area project you might be interested in. Or at least you might know other people who are interested.

  5. Pingback: Partying Partying Yeah! « Girl of Cardigan

  6. Amazing post. I’m waiting on God to heal my twins hernias. I’m waiting on God to give me some direction with my job. I’m waiting as well. Thanks for this post.

  7. So good. Don’t forget that even while you wait, you are being molded into what you will need to be when that day comes.

    Can’t wait to read that something tangible.

  8. Pingback: Anticipation | Mandie Marie

  9. Pingback: Bowling | Mandie Marie

  10. Pingback: Bowling | Mandie Marie

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s