I have a playlist on my iPod that is strictly people I know. I have decided that I need a blog category for this as well. I now present you with People I Know: Volume 1. Some People I Know already have blogs. Some of them do not. But they are important, funny, and/or delightful enough to deserve their own little space on my blog.
Today’s guest poster does not have a blog, but she does have 13 Facebook friends. First impressions might lead you to believe she is a sweet, gentle and shy human being. For the most part you would be correct. That is until you sit beside her at a function that she does not want to be at. Her quick wit and snark will have you laughing so hard in a situation where you shouldn’t be laughing that you’ll have to leave the room. She has the ability to narrate what is really going on in the head of an animal with shocking accuracy. She quilts. She sews. She cooks. She bakes. Someone once proposed to her after trying her famous oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. She is like Martha Stewart without a show or a jail sentence. She is also the most humble, gentle, patient and strong woman I know. She is beautiful, she is a warrior, and she generally kicks butt at life.
She also happens to be my mother.
Since my mother likes Oprah, she came up with her own version of “Things I Know For Sure”.
Things I Know For Sure by Amanda’s Mommy
- Babies always smell good
- It is frowned upon to drop your child’s birthday cake*
- I always end up in the slowest line at a cashier
- Grey items of clothing are always the most comfortable
- Saying F & CS** feels naughty. Try it!
- Always have a pen and paper handy. You never know when you will need to make a list
- A dog will always puke on a carpet even if 80% of your home is hardwood floors
- A dog will always puke on your new upholstery
- A dog will always choose the lightest colour upholstery as their favourite chair. And then puke on it
- Babies always puke on me***
- Are you sensing a theme?****
- You will always meet someone you know when you run a quick errand without doing hair or make up
- Your sewing machine will always run out of thread 1″ from the end of a seam
- Duty is a funny word
- Weird things happen at home when family members are away on a missions trip
- If someone is playing with a ball and I am in the general vicinity…it will hit me…usually in the head. Same applies to pucks and any other airborne object*****
- My seat will always be kicked from behind at any event or on a plane
- Bridge Rehabilitation signs are funny. Drugs or alcohol?
*I’m still upset about this incident
**Family & Children’s Services
***This is genetic
*****This is also genetic