Once again I remind you that these are all real. No hyperbole or exaggeration necessary.
Welcome to my life.
Grade 6 Boy 1: You know you can go anywhere wif a book.
Me: Like in your imagination?
Boy 1: Yeah or like to college.
Boy 1: Or to a store to buy a big book to hit people wif.
Boy 1: Marry her? My life would be miserable. I’d rather marry a 4 legged donkey.
Boy 1: He was away for 3 days.
Boy 2: Best three days of my life.
Boy 1: Mine too.
Me: Do you have a running commentary in your head at all times?
Boy 1: You don’t want to know what’s going on in my head. It’s not good-natured.
Boy: My mom thinks a hamster is a rat. She screamed when she saw one. Once I saw a rat with no hair. It was fat.
Girl: (middle of a game of tag, running up to me): I’m allergic to licorice. It makes my face turn red. (Runs away)
Boy: Can we play with Lego? Pretty please?
Me: Not today.
Boy: Please? With sugar on top?
Girl: Well at least he was trying.
Girl: I don’t know what to do now. I’m starting to feel boring.
Girl: I’m doing a survey. What did you bring in your lunch?
Me: Um crackers and cheese.
Girl: The answers are yes and no. What did you bring in your lunch?
Girl: There are no boys allowed in the clubhouse except for N and A.
Me: Why just those two?
Girl: Well because they’re making good choices of course!