Vague and Mysterious

Urban Dictionary defines Vaguebooking as the following:

1. An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what’s going on, or is possibly a cry for help.
2. An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to “Hide” future updates by the perpetrator.
3. Intentional or unintentional vague or ambiguous facebook status message, which people have no clue as to what the heck you are talking about. Also included is posting fragmented song lyrics without stating the artist.

You know the status updates I’m talking about. Everyone has at least one friend on their list that is a professional Vaguebooker. You sign on, and your home page is riddled with some variation of the following:

Wondering if it was all worth it…
That was probably a mistake.
I wonder if he knows?
Ooh I want you I don’t know if I need you but I’d die to find out*
Can’t believe this is happening!
Life sucks!
This too shall pass.

It’s likely that friend who spends way too much time on the interwebs and feels it necessary to post things about themselves in hopes of getting an affirming response. Maybe it’s an attempt to be mysterious. Maybe it’s an attempt to be clever. I don’t know what your intention is because you are being VAGUE. Vaguebooking is like vanity license plates for your car. You understand your angle, thinking that other people will too, but they won’t. And they probably don’t care. You just wasted your money on something vague.

I have a confession, internets.

Last night I strayed from my usual nonsensical (yet delightfully hilarious) updates and I Vaguebooked. I changed my status to “No wonder I’m singing!” I was not being intentionally vague. I had been listening to Hillsong’s Sovereign Hands in which one line says “No wonder I call you Saviour/ No wonder I’m singing!” That was my goal, but I was certainly not clear. Fortunately, I have great friends who called me on my error and made me see the light. Thanks, women. I, Amanda Marie, Vaguebooked, and I apologize.

I now realize how easy it can be to drown in the murky waters of Vaguebooking.

However, all is not lost. I have an idea. Let’s start a revolution of sorts, internets. Let’s call out our Vaguebook friends. Let us not stand for anything less than clarity. Let us rise above the confused masses and reclaim the art of clear and concise status updates. The next time you encounter a vague status update, do not ask what they mean. Do not inquire as to how you can help. Simply post the link to the following video and let this glorious man do all the talking.

What’s the best or most vague update you’ve read recently?

*100 internet points to the person who can name the song without using Google.

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