Facial Hair 201 Continued

Welcome to the continuation of yesterday’s post.

Now before you go all “Amanda, you are no professional esthetician. Where do you get off telling us about our eyebrows. Hmmm? HMMM?” please let me explain. I took a public speaking skills class when I was in grade 11, fully expecting it to be a bird course but found the opposite. Our insane teacher referred to us as her “little lambs” and often performed a song and dance number to High Hopes. Definitely the weirdest teacher I’ve ever encountered. If you went to my high school you know EXACTLY who I am talking about. But I digress. In this class I did a speech about eyebrows. I included chalkboard diagrams and everything. The chalkboard eraser was my tweezer. It was brilliant. I received one of the top marks in the class, only to be rivaled by Tim’s speech on how to survive a bear attack if you only have school supplies available. Thus, I am now an expert on both topics. Please read on…

Facial Hair 201: EYEBROWS (for Women)

This is the trickiest of all grooming techniques. I have seen so many women botch this process up. When you ruin this, you ruin your face. Please keep reading because I don’t want you to ruin your face. Guys had rules to follow, but ladies you get step-by-step instructions. With pictures of my face for reference. Aren’t you lucky.

1. Gather your tools. You need tweezers, an eyebrow brush, a tiny pair of sharp scissors and a mirror (magnifying is great, but keep reading to find out why you need to use this tool with caution). If you’re brave and impatient, go with wax. I warn you though, if you make a mistake it’s pretty obvious and will last a lot longer than tweezing.

2. Find the beginning. Hold a stick-like object vertically on either side of your nose. Any hairs between these two stick-like objects should be removed.

Close ups are not flattering

Don’t make this gap wider or you’ll look like the guy I went to elementary school with from yesterday’s post. Unless that’s the look you’re going for. Then go ahead and get a fake tan while you’re at it. Maybe the two of you could date and make weird orange gappy eyebrowed babies.

3. Find the end. Hold the same stick-like object to the side of your nose, this time angling it out to meet the corner of your eye.

I don’t normally open my eyes this wide

Where the stick and your eyebrow meet is the end of your brow. This is usually where your eyebrow naturally ends. Don’t make it shorter than this or your eyes will appear smaller.

4. Find your natural arch. Look straight on in the mirror. Hold your stick-like object vertically along the outer side of your iris (the coloured part of your eye).

Empty towel bar, anyone?

This should be the highest point of your eyebrow arch. Never mess with the natural shape of your arch. Messing with it messes with your face. Trust me.

5. Shape gradually. Start from the inside of your eyebrow and work your way to the top of your arch, and then out to the end. Only remove hairs from the bottom of your brow.

Totally staged. I plucked nothing. Sorry to disappoint.

Taking hairs from the top messes with your natural arch. Pluck a little bit from one brow, and then a little bit from another. It’s next to impossible to shape one entire brow then go back and do the same thing to the other. Do them both at the same time.

Make sure that the shape is gradually going from thicker to thinner. You don’t want a brow that is the same thickness from start to finish. You should also never have a tadpole brow.

6. Take it ease*.
I cannot stress this enough. Pluck little by little. If you’re using a magnifying mirror to see the tiny hairs, STOP every few plucks and look at your face from a distance. It’s amazing how different they look from far away. If you do a little bit at a time and look at them from a different perspective it reduces the risk of messing up your face.

7. Don’t overdo it.
This is similar to Step 6. You want neatly groomed yet full brows. Super skinny brows look ridiculous and unnatural. If you continue to pluck your eyebrows, eventually the hairs don’t grow back. When you’re older, you also start to lose some eyebrow hair. Keeping them fuller when you are younger means you won’t have to draw them on when you’re older.

8. Cut the pokey bits. I don’t know what else to call this step. If you have hairs that stick up at the beginning of your brows, cut them. Brush these hairs straight up and use your sharp scissors to delicately trim the bits that poke up beyond the natural shape of your eyebrow.

Ta da! The left side of my face appears larger,
but I’m certain it’s not.


9
. Fill them in. If you are blonde or you have eyebrows that are nearly invisible, fill them in with a little bit of brow powder, being careful to choose the right colour for your complexion. Blondes don’t need black brows.

10. Keep it up. Once you have the basic shape of your eyebrows, all you need to do is pluck a few hairs every day. Little bits every day is better than a whole bunch every few weeks. Keep tweezing, even if your bangs completely cover the fact that you have amazing eyebrows (like me). You’ll know that underneath hair is more awesome hair.

See ladies, it’s easy! Only ten steps (dudes who read this entire thing: aren’t you glad you’re a dude?)! My bottom line: keep it natural.

Your tweezer is your friend.

*Italian accent, again.

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7 thoughts on “Facial Hair 201 Continued

  1. >My favourite part: BROW POWDER.Some of these principles are not unlike the principles of beard-management, which I took the time to study carefully before embarking on my new life as a manimal.

  2. >What I like about your blog is the passion. From what I can tell, you are pretty passionate about eyebrows/facial hair. Which is totally fine. I mean, not everyone can write about important things of consequence. Not that facial hair isn't important or anything. It's good that some people think its important. Or something. Whatever…Either way, keep it up.

  3. >That Tim guy sure sounds like a douche. Bear attack with school supplies only? PLEASE. How many people get attacked by bears? 1 in 20 (estimation). How many people have eyebrows? 20 in 20. You should have gotten the highest marks because of relevancy.

  4. >I know, right? Mine was completely relevant. Tim is now a world traveling dreadlocked hippy. Who probably doesn't groom his eyebrows. This really grinds my gears.

  5. Pingback: Crusading with Katie » Basketball and A Confession- guest post by Amanda Bast

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