W: You’d have four more than you need.
Mr. J: Oh yeah! That’s right! High five, buddy!
W: (high fives J)
Mr. J: Actually, high four, because you’d have four too many.
W (in gym, yelling rather loudly): HE SAVED ME! J SAAAVED ME, Mr. J!!!!!!
M (to T, who is doing a presentation on Germany): If you traveled there, would you take your cat with you?
Mrs. B: You should give things to your mom on mother’s day. Like diamonds. Give her diamonds.
Me: Yes, shower her with diamonds.
J: Wouldn’t that hurt?
A: My mom’s last name is Brito.
J: WHAT?! Your mom is a burrito?
Ja: Man, I’m letting out a lot of toots today. They don’t really make noise. Mostly silent but deadly.
Me: Ew, that shark liver looks pretty gross.
I: Actually, it’s not too gross for me. I’m a scientist.
Principal (to student): D, did you call him a moo moo cow?
D: Well, um I… I…
Principal: Did you call him a moo moo cow?
I have plenty more, I just can’t think of them at the moment.