>evil evil evil evil evil!

>Dear people who make Mini Wheats,

First of all, you suck. And so do Mini Wheats. You already had shredded wheat, and that was a hit, so why mess up a good thing and make them miniature? Doesn’t bigger usually mean better? Why would I eat ten little things when I could just eat one big one? Yes, size does matter in this case.

Secondly, why do you have to make such STUPID and ANNOYINGLY catchy jingles? Take this one, for example:

This one makes me want to go on vacation. With a Mini Wheat. Why the heck would I want to go on vacation with a Mini Wheat? He’d go swimming once, and he’d fall apart. What a crappy travel buddy.

I appreciate your catchy songs, I really do. Please tell me something: where are the Mini Wheat’s arms and legs? How come his gloves and flip flops float around him? Why does he need gloves and flip flops if he has no extremities? This confuses me. I would really like to know.

Also, why is the Mini Wheat close to the same size as the people in the commercial? I thought he was supposed to be mini. I would hate to see Regular Wheat. That is just scary.

Everytime I see one of your commercials I think that someone is playing a cruel joke on me. I’ve had these jingles stuck in my head for DAYS now, and I can’t even EAT Mini Wheats. I know they’re high in fibre, but I definitely can go wrong. Mini Wheats would wreck havok on my intestinal system. Screw you gluten companies, what with your catchy commercials and poison-like food. If you aren’t going to be nice and make non-wheat Mini Wheats, then at least make your commercials less catchy, so us poor souls who can’t eat Mini Wheats aren’t left singing a ridiculous song by ourselves in the cereal aisle.

Glutenly free,



7 thoughts on “>evil evil evil evil evil!

  1. >The second jingle is pretty much impossible to get out of your head once it’s in. It’s almost as annoying as Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend”. Almost.

  2. >I always get the second one stuck in my head. I sort of think it’s cute…. but NOT ANY MORE now that I can’t eat gluten! You are right. They need to make wheat-free mini wheats.And ohhhhh the strawberry ones… I had those last summer when I was on vacation. I loved them. And now I will NEVER EAT THEM AGAIN.I think I’ll just go quietly cry in the corner now…

  3. >hahahahai was just thinking about how much i hated these commercials the other day. that hawaiian one drives me UP THE WALL!!!!!!!!i can’t say i’ve ever enjoyed them though, really, i think they are overrated. you’re not missing out

  4. >luke has a terrible attitude. this song is so catchy! and cute! it’s my favourite!i hope my sarcasm showed through in that sentence…. how did i do?

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