>Dear guy on Caleb’s slo-pitch team,

I’d just like to say that you are good looking. I hear that you are a model, and I can tell. You are quite the looker.

However, when you are playing baseball, you don’t have to look pretty. Can we talk about your pants? I mean shorts. Or are they pants? I’m not sure. Whatever they are, they are much too trendy to be wearing in the outfield. Fitted kahki shpants with TIES around the hem are not baseball attire. They may be acceptable for um, croquet, or….the merry-go-round, but I think they’re a little inappropriate for baseball. And dangerous. Those ties and baseball are the equivalent to wearing a scarf on a playground – you’re just asking for trouble.

It’s ok to look like you’re wearing your sister’s clothes in a photoshoot in Paris, but honestly buddy, you are allowed to look like a slob when you are playing sports. I think you can pull off the grubby look. You may even like it.

I have another question. Can you ask your supervisors why they left out the ‘w’ in slow? Is “slow pitch” more confusing than “slo-pitch”? They’ve sacrificed a letter for a hypen. Is it really necessary? I don’t get it. Please do something about this.

Also, you are good looking. Do you like bubble tea?


Amanda (the only unattached fan at your Wednesday game)


2 thoughts on “>ah-base-ah-ball

  1. >Dear Fan with no fashion sense, Indeed, I am quite good looking. I’ll have you know that I was just rushed in from Italy after my fashion show that demonstrated that the shpants with ties can be used for all sorts of recreational activities such as bocce ball and mini golf. I was astute enough to transfer this fashion to slo-pitch (but not fas-ball) and will soon becoming out with an entire line of baseball uniforms with fitted shpants (complete with ties) that will go nicely with some layered shirts. The Yankees will look very spiffy, and you’ll be eating your words come World Series time.Yours Truly,Fancy Pants.PS I adore bubbles, so I can only assume I would enjoy bubble tea.

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